Richmond gets roasted by ChatGPT

The big picture: The idea came from an Instagram reel of someone asking the AI chatbot to pretend it's a comedian and roast the people from Northern Virginia (as if you needed any help to do that).

• We used the same prompt, then plugged-and-played the much cooler people of Richmond, and it got us. It got us good.

First, it came for us and our past as the capital of the Confederacy — like any normal outsider would do.

• "Richmond is the only place where 'Gone with the Wind' is a romantic comedy. It's like the history channel had a baby with a Waffle House."
• "And what's the obsession with old houses? Half the people in Richmond are living in places so old, their mortgages have Confederate currency on them."
• Our take: Ha! Joke's on you, ChatGPT. Most of us can't afford a house to get to the part where we even have a mortgage.

Then it targeted those who fought to keep the Confederate monuments up.

• "They're out here protesting for historical preservation but can't preserve a decent pothole-free street to save their lives."
• Our take: A massive sinkhole did recently swallow up a car.

It knows our nightlife leaves, uh, much to be desired.

• "Richmond's idea of a wild night out is a visit to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts followed by a rousing debate over whether or not Edgar Allan Poe was the original emo kid."
• Our take: First of all, he was. Second, that's because bars turn the lights on at 1am when they close at 2am, so you have to start early somewhere.

Yes, but: It also knows our true event joy comes from street drinking.

• "Richmond will throw a festival for just about anything. ... It's like they've got an unspoken competition to see who can come up with the most obscure reason to block off half the streets for a weekend."

It's aware of our obsession with our boob-out state flag, saying Richmonders are "so polite, they'll invite you over for dinner and then make you sit through a three-hour lecture on the finer points of the Virginia state flag."

And finally, it Miranda Priestly'd the fashion.

• "It's a city where everyone is just edgy enough to wear mismatched socks but still conservative enough to have a closet full of monogrammed tote bags."
• Our take: We think ChatGPT was referring to Short Pump with that last one.

The bottom line: "Here's to Richmond," ChatGPT wrote. "Where the people are so proud of their city that they'll spend 20 minutes convincing you to move there — and then another 20 minutes complaining about how it's getting too popular."