Bears vs. Packers playoff game: A cheat sheet for casual fans
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You don't need to dress like a bear to be a Bears fan. Photo: Joseph Weiser/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
The Chicago Bears take on the Green Bay Packers Saturday night in a rare playoff matchup between the two heated rivals.
- There's a good chance you'll find yourself at one of these bars, or be invited to a watch party.
Here's my quick guide on how to fake being a super fan to impress your friends and family, even if you've never watched a minute of this season.
The Bears were a total surprise to win the NFC North. For most of the year, they didn't play like division champs. Yet, they set a league record with six wins in the last two minutes of games, creating a roller coaster experience for fans.
- A simple "Start fast, fellas! Let's not wait for the fourth quarter" quip will be greeted with head nods, high fives and other affirmations.
Ben Johnson, the young new coach for the Bears, is really responsible for the worst-to-first transition. His post-game locker room speeches have been fiery and his "good, better, best" chants have become viral.
- A well-timed "Hey, why does Ben have his shirt on?" will not only get laughs, but also reinforce that you have been paying attention.
Be prepared to watch the Bears' defense give up a lot of yards. They are one of the worst units in the league, yet they have forced the most turnovers. It's an interesting paradox, ripe for a funny line in the right circumstances:
- If the Bears give up a TD: "Bend not break? Looks pretty broken to me."
- If the Bears create a big turnover: "Ball Hawkin'!"
- If Montez Sweat gets a sack: "Gonna make you Sweat to you bleeeeed!"
- If Jaylon Johnson gets beat on a slant pass: "He doesn't look right since he came back."
The Bears are finally getting back two big injured starters for this game: Wide receiver Rome Odunze and cornerback Kyler Gordon. Both will have an immediate impact. If Gordon makes a play, jump to your feet and pretend you can shoot webs out of your wrists like Spiderman and do a half-flip (if applicable).
- It sounds ridiculous, but his nickname is "Spiderman" and he does the "Kyler-man" flip so the party will love it and you probably will be given the last wing.
Lastly, the game will feature our most hated rival, the Packers. When the Bears win, time up a few specific Wisconsin jokes.
- "Oh, they are crying in their beer at the Brat Stop right now."
- "Beep beep, drive home safely, stop at the Mars Cheese Castle on the way home."
- ""Oshkosh B'Gosh … Be gone!"
- "F%$& you Aaron Rodgers." (He doesn't play for the team anymore, but still works.)
You are now ready to be the best Bears fan of the bunch. Be prepared to be showered with love and admiration and start your research for new quips for the NFC Divisional Round.
How to watch: The Bears vs. Packers starts at 7pm on Amazon Prime, but is broadcasting locally on Fox 32.