How to Fake It: Bears training camp

• If you want to score early points in the conversation, a simple "I miss Platteville" will do the trick.

State of play: All eyes on the quarterback. He wears the red jersey and he's not allowed to be hit by the defense. So even though they can look good (or bad), it's not a real, game-like scenario.

• So next time you see Fields connect on a nice pass, shout out, "Now let's see him do that with pads on and a linebacker coming free on a weak-side blitz." Maybe too much, but I think you can pull it off.

The underdog: Training camp is the place for rookies and undrafted free agents to beat the odds and make the team. It's an uphill battle, but everyone loves cheering for the underdog.

• "Remember Tommy Waddle, Israel Idonije and Lemuel Stinson? They weren't supposed to make the team either."
• At this point, you'll be invited to tailgate at the upcoming preseason game at Soldier Field, parking included.

Now, for a real pro move? When they offer you the preseason tickets, politely decline and respond with:

• "You got something in early October?"

You are welcome.