We'll take an ocean over a river any day. Photo: Joe Sohm/Visions of America/Universal Images Group via Getty Images
All jokes aside, we actually love our friends in Portland and would enjoy having you buzz in for a visit.
We'll take you out for some real coffee, stroll along our revamped waterfront (how's yours coming along, by the way?), and even let you admire a skyline that doesn't rely entirely on bridges for personality.
But we'll have to send you back. We don't want your bike lanes and breweries to go empty.
