Philly's public restroom names are a real bum-mer

• For the people, by the people, the Morgan & Morgan law firm never misses a chance to plug themselves. They suggested "The Jawn" while others came up with "Port-o-Jawn."
• Honoring our history as America's birthplace, "Independence Stall" and "Liberpees."
• Then there was "Phacilities." Simple, clever, accurate.

Urine luck (couldn't help it). We've come up with a few other choices.

• Have some bad cheese whiz or drink too much wooder ice? Now you gotta hit "The Whizzer”?
• Drawing that one up made me feel like Doug Pederson calling the "Philly Special" in the Birds' Super Bowl win.

We all know Philly fans love crapping on the Cowboys. Why not call the bathrooms "The Star," the name of the team's practice facility in Frisco, Texas?

• Nothing induces a bowel movement like the Boys in Blue. And if brand-conscious owner Jerry Jones brings some frivolous copyright infringement case against the city, boom, Eagles fans have yet another reason to hate the franchise.

Or what about "The Birdhouse."

• It's where you go to take a Linc. Plus, they say it's good luck if a bird poops on you.