How to talk about death and grief

• We'd been texting the day she died. She was on a trip with her family and sent pictures from her adventures. That night, her sister called me.
• Within the next couple of weeks, I had written her obituary, visited her family and attended her funeral. Everything after that is still a blur.

Why it matters: Grief isn't linear. Some days feel impossible. Other days feel almost normal.

What you can do: It can be hard to know what to say to someone who's grieving. Platitudes are easy but often unhelpful. Here are some suggestions from death doula Britna Savarese:

• Acknowledge the suck. You have permission to tell the person that the loss is awful and you don't know what to say, but you're here to hug them and listen.
• Offer specific help. Don't just say, "Tell me if you need anything." Give an option, like, "I'm going to the grocery store. What can I pick up for you?"
• Expect grief to continue. There's no end date to grieving. And there's no relationship that causes more grief than another. Sometimes people are closer to their friends than their family. Recognize the loss regardless of familial connection

What they're saying: Feeling grief is a reminder of the person you love. If you're grieving, embrace it, Savarese says.

• "The fact that we were able to love that immensely and be loved that immensely to grieve them is really a beautiful gift," she says.

The bottom line: Talk about death. Talk about grief. It's part of living.