Fireworks, sharks, cage fights: It's 12-year-old Boy Summer in D.C.

Why it matters: You might as well grow a nice, wispy mustache and make fart noises with your armpits, because Washington has already been in full tween mode for the past three months.

State of play: If you find a local 12-year-old in an Avengers T-shirt to tell you what they're geared up about, they'll probably mention:

• Wooden ships
• Tons of jellyfish (and subsequent pee jokes)
• Dudes fighting other dudes in a cage
• Dudes kicking balls at other dudes on TV
• Whoooosh! So. Many. Flyovers.
• The biggest fireworks show EVER.
• Zombeavers (extra tween boy points if you get bitten by one and get to tell Kyle about it at school)
• Super-fast cars
• Robots delivering pizza
• New space stuff!
• A giant whale and a giant playground
• A super ginormo Ferris wheel
• Spider-Man rules!
• Sharks! Like, so many sharks.
• Also, whoa! A goat on the Metro! (tween boys love hoofed animals)

The intrigue: Yes, several of these things are at the president's bidding. Turns out 12 and 80 aren't so far apart when it comes to fast cars and flyovers.

The bottom line: Sure, 12-year-old Boy Summer has been fun and all, but we at Axios D.C. are excited to gear up for our next-favorite season: Crotchety Old Man Fall.