Feb 12, 2024 - Things to Do

A different kind of Philly Valentine's Day guide

Illustration of a heart with an arrow through it. The tip of the arrow is the Axios A logo.

Illustration: Allie Carl/Axios

Valentine's Day is about flowers, chocolate and Cupid, the mythical god of love, right?

Yes, but: There's a darker side of Valentine's Day, rooted in "vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition," per History.

  • In short: Saints were martyred, including a priest named Valentine who secretly wed young lovers in defiance of a Roman emperor's ban.

The internet is full of ooey-gooey lists for V-Day date ideas and gifts. But this is effin' Philly. No one (loves) us. We don't care. In that spirit, here's a guide to cute, cutting and macabre spins for the holiday:

πŸ•΅οΈ Create your own scavenger hunt with hidden clues leading to your first date spot.

  • The prize: A note spelling out "love." Tell your partner they're lucky to have you. Love is what they searched for their whole life.

πŸ’Έ Snag a gift card to your partner's favorite restaurant. Make sure it has zero dollars because your "Love Don't Cost a Thing."

πŸ¦… For Eagles fans: Get your partner a split frame with pictures of QB Jalen Hurts and former play-caller Carson Wentz.

  • Whenever they complain about you, point to the frame and remind them you're still better than their ex.

😐 For those of us so comfortable in our relationships that we no longer try, keep doing what you're doing.

😴 For all the single peeps, save the money you would've spent on gifts and buy yourself ZzzQuil.

  • It's only one day. We'll wake you up when this love stuff is over.

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