I defied death and ate all the weirdest Arizona State Fair food

Last weekend, I undertook a culinary tour of the fair, with the foolhardy idea of seeing how many weird things I could shovel into my face before I tapped out or needed medical intervention.

• I thought I'd last longer than I did, though I still managed to eat more strange things than is advisable.

Dig in: The tastiest item was the first I tried: the bacon-wrapped churros with dulce de leche sauce, which came out hot enough to scald my stomach lining.

• The above-pictured Pickle Cheeto Potato Twister was an unwieldy letdown — it tasted like pickle and Cheetos in theory more than in practice, and it was difficult to eat.
• The Dubai chocolate fried Oreos were better, though don't expect much Dubai chocolate.

Then came the gargantuan "candy watermelon," which is wrapped in Fruit by the Foot and slathered in chamoy and Tajín.

• Once you get past the heat of the Tajín, it's pretty tasty, though it drips everywhere. I had chamoy stains on my palms for the next day.

I housed all that in about 45 minutes — I do not understand how Joey Chestnut does this — and then needed to rest for about an hour while my daughter bounced from ride to ride.

• I rallied to try the fried Hawaiian rolls (tasted like cinnamon buns) and the PB&J corndog (awful — I may call the police), and they turned out to be the final nail in the coffin of my appetite.
• I polished off the afternoon with a pink lemonade in a massive teddy bear-shaped container that comes with its own shoulder strap.

There were items I'd like to have tried, namely the Volcanic Ramen and anything smothered in cheese.

• However, I was waddling around like a penguin at that point, so I went home and sunk into the couch.

The bottom line: The fair runs Thursdays through Sundays till Nov. 1 if you want to test your own limits.