How to avoid marathon crowds in Boston

If you're like me, every Patriot's Day you get the hell out of town to avoid the crowds, congestion and sheer jockery on display Marathon Monday.

Here are some alternative things to do Monday if you don't feel like cheering for people in much better shape than you.

Celebrate what the holiday is really about in Lexington and Concord.

• Monday is Patriots' Day, the commemoration of the Battles of Lexington and Concord and the start of the Revolutionary War.
• The main event is always the 5:30am reenactment of the battle on Lexington Green, but there's a slew of related events and activities Monday, including a parade.

Flee Boston by car or train and enjoy Providence's food scene.

• It's Pizza Week down in Providence. Dozens of restaurants and pizza joints on Federal Hill and beyond are participating with special recipes and promotions.
• It's sponsored by Narragansett. Of course it is.

A marathon for less athletic sorts: The Muppet Marathon.

• The real endurance challenge doesn't start in Hopkinton. It starts at noon in Harvard Square and ends 10 hours later in the exact same spot.
• For $25, watch Jim Henson classics “The Muppet Movie,” “The Great Muppet Caper,” “The Muppets Take Manhattan,” “The Dark Crystal” and “Labyrinth” in one epic sitting.

Watch the Bruins dominate the NHL Playoffs.

• The NHL Playoffs start Monday night on ESPN. We don't know when or against whom the Bruins will be scheduled to play, but the pucks drop in the first two playoff games at 7pm and 9:30pm.

Binge true crime documentaries about the bombing without leaving your couch.

• Relive 2013 without going anywhere near the course with Netflix's new "American Manhunt: The Boston Marathon Bombing." Who knew shelter-in-place would be nostalgic?

Then go even deeper into the Tsarnaev case with Hulu's "The Murders Before the Marathon," which ties the bombers to an unsolved triple homicide in Waltham.