Why people are holding death cafes in San Antonio
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Strangers in San Antonio are gathering over cake and tea to chat — about dying.
Why it matters: As anxiety about longevity and end-of-life care grows, they're part of a movement to make death talk less taboo.
Catch up quick: The format launched in 2011 in East London, according to the Death Cafe site — which explains the choice in snacks.
- Now, groups are all over the world. More than 11,000 are listed in the U.S.
How it works: A Death Cafe is "a tangible, factual, honest conversation around death," Aly Leija, 33, tells Axios. Leija, a death doula who sits with patients at the end of their lives, attends events virtually and in person in San Antonio, including at Abode, a hospice home near the airport.
- After participants introduce themselves and share what brought them to the group, Leija says discussion topics range from mortality to cremation and burial options.
What Death Cafe is not: "a grief group, a counseling session, or a place to push religious or other spiritual agendas," she says.
Zoom in: Leija's dad died in a car accident when she was just 7 months old and her mom was pregnant with another child.
- She lost all of her grandparents by the time she was 26.
- This made Leija understand from a young age that death can happen to anyone at any time.
What they're saying: "We were kind of born into the grief and the tragedy of that loss," Leija says.
- "So in my household, it wasn't a taboo thing to talk about."
Zoom out: The COVID pandemic helped people realize they can't ignore death, Leija says.
- If you don't plan on death, "you leave all of these things undone, all the loose ends untied for your loved ones."
The bottom line: Talking about death is "a crazy good reminder to live every single day," says Leija.
- You know the phrase YOLO? "I like to argue that you only die once, [but] you live every single day."
What's next: Leija will host a Death Cafe at 5pm Feb. 6 at Hash Vegan Eatery on the South Side.