The ultimate ranking of Midwest holiday foods

I'm coming at you hot with my spicy takes for all the Midwest holiday food staples (though none of the foods are actually spicy.)

How it works: On a scale of 🌽 to 🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽 — one ear of corn is Chef Boyardee lasagna and five ears of corn is grandma-worthy cooking.

Pickle wraps: 🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

Whoever makes these bad boys and brings them to the party is the MVP.

• If you're feeling lazy, I'm a big fan of Hy-Vee's pickle wrap dip.

Scotcheroos: 🌽🌽🌽🌽

This dessert brick is small, but mighty.

• The combination of peanut butter and chocolate leaves me way to0 sugar high to even consider any other (inferior) desserts.

Green bean casserole: 🌽🌽🌽🌽

Seriously, give me half green beans and half French's crispy fried onions. That's what we want.

Jello salad: 🌽🌽🌽

I will never forget the time a kind grandma put a jiggly green dessert in front of me and uttered the foreign words, "7Up jello salad."

Ambrosia salad: 🌽

As a kid staring at the deli section of Dahl's, the Ambrosia salad's little colorful marshmallows and mandarin oranges called to me.

• After whining, my mom let me try it. Never again.