"Most people think they're killing it — unless told otherwise," Mike Allen loves to remind me.

• Why it matters: People are often unaware of how they're falling short of expectations at work, or in relationships — unless they're told bluntly, clearly, unambiguously.

It took me years to see this, then put it into practice myself. And it remains the hardest thing to teach most managers of people.

• Our instinct is to dance around the tough stuff — or hide it in unrelated compliments or puddles of words.
• So the person walks away thinking ... they're killing it.

Here's how we teach leaders to give the gift of candor:

1. Be specific. Leave no room for confusion. The person should know exactly what they're doing wrong or insufficiently. Don't hide it. Don't sugarcoat it.
2. Be timely. Most of us want to avert our gaze — it's uncomfortable to give tough feedback. But the moment you spot a pattern or problem, pounce. Every day you wait is a day the person isn't improving.
3. Be prescriptive. Everyone deserves a chance to improve. (Most people welcome it!) Offer, with precision, what they need to do differently to reverse the pattern or problem. Give a specific timeframe — weeks, not months.
4. Be encouraging. If they can change, tell them you believe in them and their capacity to bounce back. You just delivered sour news. Sending them into a tailspin is bad for them — and you.
5. Be decisive. It hurts those who are killing it if you keep problematic people around. Managers spend too much time on underperformers — a time and energy suck for the whole team.

🧠 Reality check: This works both ways. Most managers don’t seek nearly enough feedback about themselves.

• As a strong, candid manager — or, in a social situation, friend — you need to give the person space to respond to your feedback.
• Done right, you'll learn from each other.

The bottom line: Playing make-believe robs the person of the chance to step up — or find a better fit.

• Share this story.

"Meet these two troublemakers. They are siblings adopted from the local humane society as 3-month-old pups. We couldn't decide which one to bring home so we adopted both," writes Finish Line reader Mary A. from Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• "We play the game of Where Would They Go To College If They Were Human. We think Jack would have a man bun and play hacky sack as an extra curricular at Pepperdine. Katie is like Elle Woods, is probably MENSA and would be class president at Harvard."