🤬 Sam here. I am so freaking sick of the LeBron James free agency saga — and I'm guessing you are, too.

State of play: Picture me, your dutiful Cavaliers correspondent and fan, sitting in front of my laptop every night, waiting with bated breath for a breaking news alert from ESPN's Shams Charania while scrolling through supposed intel from rage-baiting trolls, slop-slinging bots and the least credible talking heads alive — all claiming specialized knowledge about LeBron's next destination.

Reality check: No one knows jack squat.

By the numbers: LeBron has taken longer on the current free agency decision than his previous three free agency decisions combined.

• It's now been over 125 hours since he was reported to be making an announcement "within the next 48 hours."

The latest: Local sports talk personality Andy Baskin claimed this week that LeBron was ready to announce his decision days ago, but was "irritated" by pressure from NBA commissioner Adam Silver, who for obvious reasons can't finalize next season's NBA schedule until he makes up his mind.

• (Whatever team LeBron plays for will command primetime TV slots and so forth.)

So we continue to wait.

Between the lines: Like others, I had operated under the assumption that LeBron's return to Cleveland was more or less a done deal.

• I viewed the leaks and scooplets and front-office pitches from teams like the Golden State Warriors and the Philadelphia 76ers as little more than entertainment.
• These were clowns and elephants, unwittingly doing the bidding of LeBron and his agent Rich Paul — ringmasters of one last media circus.

Yes, but: The latest out of Miami has me loosening my collar.

• The Heat have soared on prediction markets after the team's YouTube channel accidentally leaked a scheduled live stream titled "LeBron James Introductory Press Conference."

As always, LeBron is entitled to make whatever decision he thinks is best for his career and his family.

• Given the current state of the Cavs' offseason, my desire for LeBron's return is as practical as it is sentimental.
• But I'm done with the circus.

What's next: Don't expect additional coverage from us until there's something substantial to report or lament.

• We kept a hole in the newsletter all week while anticipating a decision, but we won't be burned again.

A new 34,000-square-foot indoor slide park opened Thursday in Parma.

Why it matters: It's the first Northeast Ohio location of the Slick City franchise.

• The family-friendly venue offers a weatherproof option for active play, featuring Slick City's patented dry slides, trampoline "air courts" for basketball and dodgeball, an arcade and a dedicated play area for younger children.

The big picture: Slick City has rapidly expanded nationwide since its 2021 founding.

• Parma's operators say they plan to partner with local schools, youth sports teams and nonprofits to host fundraisers and community events.

What they're saying: "The opening of this innovative family entertainment destination represents another important investment in Parma and provides a new place where families, friends and visitors can come together to create lasting memories," Parma Mayor Tim DeGeeter said in a statement.

📍 Stop by: 8303 Day Drive.

🪧 Cleveland Public Library workers picketed a City Club forum Wednesday featuring library CEO Felton Thomas. (Instagram)

• ICYMI: Union library workers represented by SEIU District 1199 voted earlier this month to authorize a strike as contract talks stagnate. (WKYC)

⚡️ Cleveland Public Power says aging infrastructure and decades of deferred maintenance will require costly upgrades, with customers likely footing most of the bill. (Signal Cleveland)

🇺🇸 U.S. Rep. Shontel Brown (D-Warrensville Heights), introduced legislation with Michigan Democrat Rashida Tlaib to provide federal money for the removal of hazardous lead pipes, plumbing fixtures and paint from aging homes. (Cleveland.com)

🤘 WNCX 98.5-FM leaders reflect on what puts the "classic" in classic rock on their 40th anniversary. (Cleveland Magazine)

As if the departure of the Kaulig Companies Championship from Firestone in Akron wasn't bitter enough, most golf fans learned this week they didn't win the Masters ticket lottery.

Why it matters: The annual rejection has become almost as much a Masters tradition as the tournament itself.

Driving the news: Each summer, the Masters opens its lottery for practice-round and tournament tickets to professional men's golf's first major of the season — among the hardest tickets in sports to acquire.

By the numbers: Bookies.com estimates that about 2 million people apply for Masters tickets for each tournament day, with applicants having just a 0.55% chance — roughly 1 in 182 — of being selected.

The intrigue: Golfers are gluttons for punishment. Even though we know it's a long shot, we sign up year after year.

• Just like trying to hit the green with our second shot on a par 5.

What's next: Waiting for the group in front of us to clear the green so we can load up on that 3-wood and try again in 2027.

• If golf across the pond is on your bucket list, the lottery for the 2027 Open Championship at St. Andrews in Scotland closes this morning.

⛳️ Reply to this email and let us know if you somehow managed to win tickets.