We asked ChatGPT to roast D.C., and it came for us

The big picture: We got the idea from our pals at Axios Richmond, who were inspired by an Instagram reel of someone asking the AI chatbot to pretend it was a comedian to roast NoVa.

State of play: ChatGPT came for D.C. fashion.

• People here "dress like they're constantly on their way to give a TED Talk about tax reform. It's like the city sent out a memo that said, 'No personality allowed.'"
• "At least they accessorize — with lanyards. In D.C., your badge is the only pop of color in your whole outfit!"
• The verdict: Yeah, it's standard to dunk on D.C. style (remember the Great Blue Gingham Shirt Brouhaha of 2019?), but if you overlook the stereotypes, we're actually pretty stylish.

Then it started cracking jokes about the office.

• "Oh, people in Washington, D.C. are so obsessed with their jobs, they put their LinkedIn profile on their gravestone."
• "The only thing stronger than the coffee in D.C. is the delusion that their job is changing the world… when really, they're just stuck in a loop of meetings about meetings."
• The verdict: Can't fight this one — our most famous influencer is a consultant.

Next up: Metro.

• "You've got more delays than a Windows update, escalators that are basically vertical hiking trails, and let's not forget the trains themselves — fewer of them show up than my friends to help me move."
• "Honestly, the only reliable thing about the Metro is that when it breaks down, it'll happen on the one day you really can't be late."
• The verdict: Anyone who's ever wished for an oxygen mask on the Dupont Circle escalator or dealt with a literal train fire knows there's some truth there.

The real estate rat race got skewered.

• The "market is like buying a haunted house, except the ghosts are your financial regrets."

• "It's the only place where a $1 million price tag gets you a 'cozy' 600-square-foot studio with a view of a brick wall and a 7-hour daily traffic jam soundtrack."
• The verdict: We'll be over here recovering from this burn as we watch the city's number of $2 million neighborhoods stack up.

And for the final LOL: the dating scene.

• "It's the only place where someone can ghost you and filibuster the breakup speech."
• "Everyone's 'just so busy' but somehow still has time to tweet their hot takes on foreign policy. And forget asking 'What do you do?'— you'll spend 45 minutes listening to them explain why their job title is eight words long and still means 'I fetch coffee for someone important.'"
• The verdict: Okay, maybe dating in Washington kind of sucks, but who needs real-life romance when next month you can just stream the new D.C. season of "Love Is Blind"?

The bottom line: All jokes aside, we love our expensive, work-obsessed, gingham shirt-wearing city.

• But if ChatGPT has any ideas about how we can actually afford a house … we're all ears.