We asked 25 single Charlotte women what they wish Charlotte men knew

In an effort to help the men of Charlotte improve their dating skills, I set out to ask single women in Charlotte what’s one thing they wish single guys knew. But I’m a southern churchgoer, which means most of my friends got married at 23 after six weeks of dating, so I had to get Mary’s help in finding enough single women.

TL;DR: Learn how to communicate, put in some effort, and all the things you think make you cool don’t make you cool at all.

On dates

“I’m not sleeping with you after one date.” – Brooklyn

“Breweries aren’t the only option for dates. Saying that you’re ‘pretty broke right now’ isn’t an excuse to never have a cool date idea.” – Whitney

“I wish they knew how to make a dinner reservation ahead of time. Dates are weird enough without a 2-hour wait.” – Mariya

“Brewery first dates are preferred.” – Chelsea

“If you’ve been on three dates or more, ghosting should not be on the table.” – Kirsten

“Just because you paid for my drink doesn’t mean you automatically get to sleep with me.” – Micah

On communication

“Not every girl you meet is one of two very different extremes. Not all girls are going to be the one night hookups and not all girls want a ring on it after the first date. Some of us genuinely want to get to know them even if it doesn’t end in relationships. Better ask us before they just assume what we want.” – Sidney

“I don’t want to hear a solution when I’m venting. Just listen.” – Shelli

“Girls read into one-word answers. Don’t drive us crazy! Give us a little context behind your short answers.” – Kelsey

“Guys need to learn how to hold a conversation. ‘wyd?’ is not what I’d call engaging.” – Katrina

“If I’m talking to you on a dating app, I actually have an interest in meeting you and not just texting for two weeks before losing contact.” – Tianna

“Ghosting isn’t cool. Just be honest and forthcoming because I’ve seen countless girls getting ghosted after having like three awesome dates and it is so disheartening.” – Rebecca

“I wish Charlotte guys knew that it doesn’t take MUCH effort to get someone to go out with you – you just have to do slightly better than a ‘you up’ text. Honestly the bar is SO DAMN LOW. ” – Layne

[Related – Agenda readers say the dating scene has gotten worse – and they’re sick of the apps]

On behavior

“Catcalling is not the way to go. A simple hello is fine.” – Sara

“Your Facebook profile pic with you and that other girl is confusing. I don’t care if she’s your cousin. I automatically think you’re unavailable.” – Kendall

“It’s rare that you find a guy who still opens the car door for a girl past the second date, or insists ladies order first in a restaurant, or walks a female back to her vehicle late at night and makes sure she got home alright. Yes I can do all of that myself but knowing a guy cares enough to do it is impressive to me. Being a gentleman never goes out of style.” – Yana

“If you’re stumped on pick up lines in order to approach a girl, I say don’t worry about the clever bit—just start a conversation. Pick up lines are out of style anyways. They remind me of dad jokes now.” – Danielle

“When you delete a dating app it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve deleted your account. So when you attach your Instagram to hinge and stuff WE CAN STILL SEE YOU BAE’D UP.” – Hallie

“How to pay my bills.” – Riley, a gay man weighing in

On swag

“Money doesn’t make you special. We can all get more money any time we want to.” – Evie

“Women aren’t things.” – Ansley

“Trying to meet people outside of dating apps and the bars shouldn’t be a lost art.” – Rachel

“I wish guys would grow the balls to say something when they want to say it and make a move. They don’t do that much here. It’s very frustrating.” – Jordan

“Your overpaid job at the bank doesn’t make you special or better than anyone else.” – Callie

“You don’t need to act like a cool guy around your friends. I liked you when you were goofy. Stay goofy.” – Elaina

[Related – 9 Charlotte grocery stores ranked by how attractive the shoppers are]