9 Charlotte grocery stores ranked by how attractive the shoppers are

We’ve all been in grocery stores before and thought to ourselves “There must be a sale on prime beef today, because these folks are lean.”

Here are 9 Charlotte grocery stores with really, really, really, ridiculously good looking people that’ll have you thinking every aisle is the cake aisle.

#1 Trader Joe’s – Midtown

The shoppers of the Midtown Trader Joe’s are the most attractive grocery shoppers in Charlotte. Their tattoos and hip haircuts give them that modern edge, but their bro tanks show off classic Chad biceps. It’s the best of both worlds. And since all they eat is organic food, you know they’ve got the stamina to criticize your diet all night long.

#2 Harris Teeter – Plaza Midwood

Watching the shoppers walking through the wine aisle at the Plaza Midwood HT is like watching a parade of Breakfast Club cosplayers. You’ve got your gym jocks, your flannel punks, your librarian goths, tall skinny tech nerds, and phenomenally well dressed preps. There’s something for everyone.

#3 Whole Foods – Uptown

Admittedly, I haven’t been there yet, but let me take a wild guess at what it’s like: the defined jawlines of banker bros, the high cheekbones Uptown Instagram influencers, and the healthy glow of people sweating slightly over the increasingly disturbing encroachment of tech companies in every sector of American life. Hot!

#4 Reid’s Fine Foods – SouthPark

Let’s ditch the millennials and get grown and sexy. The shoppers at Reid’s Fine Foods in SouthPark have the kind of effortless appeal that can only come from witnessing six decades of fashion first-hand. The ladies are in short tennis skirts, and the fellas are in even shorter chino shorts. Get it, grandzaddy.

#5 Publix – Cotswold

Cotswold is home to successful Gen Xers who don’t quite have enough money to live in Myers Park, like startup founders and Hornets backups. The new Publix, which towers over Randolph Road like the walls of Jericho, is sure to draw effortlessly cool aging liberals. After ten years of marriage and two kids, these shoppers might not have perfectly sculpted bodies anymore, but their use of outdated 90’s slang is all that and a bag of chips.

#6 Harris Teeter – South End

Have you ever been wandering around a grocery store and thought to yourself, “Wow, I really wish I could get drunk in here?” Well, the South End Harris Teeter is crawling with young professional singles and you don’t even have to take them out of the grocery store for your first date. Just hit the in-store bar. 

#7 Aldi – Park Road

If you want to meet the unpretentious, down-to-earth partner of your dreams, check out the Aldi on Park Road. You’ll be instantly drawn to the kind of sexy self-assuredness that allows someone to say “I don’t care if this box of Flakey Frosts cereal featuring Tanya the Tigress tastes like stale wood chips. It’s only $1.” To attract one of these scrumptious scrimpers, offer to split a cart with them so you both save 12.5 cents off the rental fee.

#8 Harris Teeter – Ballantyne (any of them)

The shoppers at Harris Teeter in Ballywood always look like they just walked out of the most expertly posed family photoshoot. Until I shopped there, I never knew so many perfect teeth could fit into a single mouth. Seeing these gorgeous, happily married couples hold hands while picking avocados is total #relationshipgoals. This is where you’ll eventually shop with the hottie you met at Trader Joe’s when you both sell out and get jobs at Bank of America.

#9 Harris Teeter – Uptown

This cramped, garden-level grocery store is great if you like a little mystery in your partner. Everyone wears low hats and sunglasses even though there’s no light in the store. Could they be a celebrity? Or do they have severe photosensitivity? No one knows! What you do know is that the store is basically inaccessible, so anyone shopping there probably owns property in Uptown, and that may be the sexiest trait anyone could have.