The best and worst ladies’ restrooms in Charlotte

Note: This article focuses on only ladies’ rooms because (despite my tomboyish wardrobe) I am in fact, a woman. I urge a man to do his own rankings.

Here are the five best and worst places to relieve your bladder in Charlotte:

Best

(1) The Dunhill Hotel

The Dunhill Hotel is an 86-year-old Charlotte landmark but its bathrooms don’t look a day over 60.

The restrooms are vintage, clean and if you go in the back door you can be sneaky and use the lobby lav until 10 p.m. without having to pass the front desk.

(2) Olde Mecklenburg Brewery

The large number of stalls and trough sink at Olde Meck make this one of my favorite places to urinate. I end up spending a lot of time in here since their Mecktoberfest goes right through me.

(3) Publix

Yes, Publix in South End has the benefit of being brand new, but its spotless bathroom is top-notch when it comes to grocery store potties. Take notes, Food Lion.

(4) Cowbell

It’s not often that you are offered a full-length mirror and adequate space in a public restroom. Cowbell’s bathroom offers so much space that you could literally hold a small meeting in there if you wanted to. And yes, I want to.

By the way, I’m sorry for lying to you, cute Cowbell hostess. I didn’t actually lose my ring in your bathroom but you’re awesome for acting so concerned.

(5) Nan and Byron’s

Nan and Byron’s did a great job of extending its cool aesthetic into the most important part of the restaurant: the bathroom. I always feel privileged to pee here.

Also, I vote Nan and Byron’s for the best bathroom ceiling in Charlotte.

Now that we’ve explored the best bathrooms in Charlotte, let’s talk about the worst. (I really wanted to say “let’s talk about the crappiest” but Ted hates puns as well as curse words.)

Worst

(1) Mac’s Speed Shop

The bathroom in Mac’s Speed Shop is ridiculous. Their stalls are so small that the door literally touches the toilet. How does a normal sized human fit in here?

(2) Brazwells

It should be illegal for a bar as big as Brazwells to only have one ladies’ room. If you’re partying on a weekend night I hope you’ve said goodbye to your friends because you will spend the next two-and-a-half hours waiting on the three girls who all went into the bathroom together and can’t stop talking about how fat Jimmy got after college.

If you don’t want to dedicate the next several hours to the bathroom line I’d suggest going across the street to Park Lanes. They have a ton of stalls and a candy claw machine. I gave the girls in the picture that advice but they thought I was weird and ignored me.

(3) Common Market, South End

You may be surprised to see Common Market’s bathroom on this list since it’s always clean and has cool décor. But the problem with this pee place comes with location: right in the middle of the sandwich line.

If you’ve ever done lunch at Common Market, you know that it’s full of hungry, impatient people. Now imagine wading through those hungry, impatient people only to enter a bathroom with a very questionable lock system. Trust me, you’ll pee pretty quick thinking that, at any moment, someone could open the door and reveal your pee-stance to the 12 people waiting on their egg salad sandwiches.

(4) Connolly’s on Fifth

Connolly’s, you know I love you. I’ve gotten silly at your bar many times and I even met my boyfriend on your back patio (RIP).

But, my dear Connolly’s, your bathroom is literally the worst.

It’s dark, there’s only one bathroom per floor and the fact that you don’t have a mirror is devastating for compulsive eyeliner adjusters like me.

Maybe you could pair your roof renovations with a nice bathroom makeover?

(5) Latta Park

I’d rather die then use the Latta Park bathroom. And no, I’m not exaggerating. I can’t go into detail because a lot of you are eating breakfast, but just trust me. Don’t go in there.

If you’re at Latta Park and have to “go” I’d recommend walking a few streets over to Berkley Avenue. There’s a house doing construction and they have a nice Porta John. I use it while on my runs and it has plenty of TP and hand sanitizer. That’s legal, right?