Illustration: Axios Visuals

Last week, I asked Axios Pro Rata newsletter readers to help build a joke-book for our kids to read, as we try to balance working from home with childcare/makeshift school.

But the jokes kept coming after we posted the original set, so here's a sequel.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

He walked.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

The C.

Why are fish smart?

They live in schools.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

A pig rolled in the mud.

What did the tree say to the horse?

Nothing. It’s a tree. 

Why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it. 

What did Mommy Scissors say when her kids acted up?

Cut it out!

Where in the world does Friday come before Thursday?

The dictionary.

Why does Peter Pan keep flying all the time?

He never lands.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

It felt crummy.

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore.

What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells.

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Go deeper: Pro Rata's got kid riddles

Go deeper

Updated 34 mins ago - Politics & Policy

Coronavirus dashboard

Illustration: Sarah Grillo/Axios

  1. Global: Total confirmed cases as of 11 a.m. ET: 31,937,244 — Total deaths: 977,624 — Total recoveries: 22,013,874Map.
  2. U.S.: Total confirmed cases as of 11 a.m ET: 6,937,145 — Total deaths: 201,959 — Total recoveries: 2,670,256 — Total tests: 97,459,742Map.
  3. Health: The coronavirus is surging again — Johnson & Johnson begins large phase 3 trial — The FDA plans to toughen standards.
  4. Media: Pandemic spurs journalists to go it alone via email.
  5. Technology: The tech solutions of 2020 may be sapping our resolve to beat the coronavirus
  6. Sports: Here's what college basketball will look like this season.
Updated 2 hours ago - Politics & Policy

Republicans condemn Trump's refusal to commit to peaceful transfer of power

Photo: Joshua Roberts/Getty Images

A number of prominent Republican lawmakers addressed President Trump's refusal on Wednesday to commit to a peaceful transfer of power if he loses November's presidential election.

Driving the news: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell tweeted, "The winner of the November 3rd election will be inaugurated on January 20th. There will be an orderly transition just as there has been every four years since 1792."

3 hours ago - Technology

Pandemic spurs journalists to go it alone via email

Illustration: Aïda Amer/Axios

A slew of high-profile journalists have recently announced they are leaving newsrooms to launch their own, independent brands, mostly via email newsletters.

Context: Many of those writers, working with new technology companies like Substack, TinyLetter, Lede, or Ghost, have made the transition amid the pandemic.

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