Illustration: Axios Visuals

Last week, I asked Axios Pro Rata newsletter readers to help build a joke-book for our kids to read, as we try to balance working from home with childcare/makeshift school.

But the jokes kept coming after we posted the original set, so here's a sequel.

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

He walked.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

The C.

Why are fish smart?

They live in schools.

Want to hear a dirty joke?

A pig rolled in the mud.

What did the tree say to the horse?

Nothing. It’s a tree. 

Why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it. 

What did Mommy Scissors say when her kids acted up?

Cut it out!

Where in the world does Friday come before Thursday?

The dictionary.

Why does Peter Pan keep flying all the time?

He never lands.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

It felt crummy.

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore.

What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells.

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

Go deeper: Pro Rata's got kid riddles

Go deeper

50 mins ago - Sports

Disney announces partnership and documentary series with Colin Kaepernick

Photo: Carmen Mandato/Getty Images

The Walt Disney Company announced Monday that ESPN Films will produce an exclusive docuseries on political activist and former NFL player Colin Kaepernick as part of a larger deal with Kaepernick's production arm RA Vision Media.

Driving the news: Former ESPN personality Jemele Hill tweeted that she'll be serving as a producer on the docuseries, after leaving the network two years ago following a dramatic falling out in 2018. At the time, Hill's outspoken tweets about President Trump put the network in the crosshairs of a polarizing debate over race and politics.

Updated 2 hours ago - Politics & Policy

Coronavirus dashboard

Illustration: Eniola Odetunde/Axios

  1. Global: Total confirmed cases as of 12 p.m. ET: 11,495,412 — Total deaths: 535,185 — Total recoveries — 6,217,763Map.
  2. U.S.: Total confirmed cases as of 12 p.m. ET: 2,897,613 — Total deaths: 129,953 — Total recoveries: 906,763 — Total tested: 35,512,916Map.
  3. Public health: Case growth outpacing testing in hotspots — Medical community urges public to wear masks.
  4. States: Texas hospitals in danger of being overwhelmed amid surge.
  5. Politics: Meadows says Trump "is right" to claim 99% of coronavirus cases are "harmless."

Court orders temporary shutdown of Dakota Access Pipeline

Protesters against the Dakota Access Pipeline in San Francisco in 2017. Photo: Joel Angel Juarez/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images

A federal judge ordered Monday the shutdown of the Dakota Access Pipeline — a project at the heart of battles over oil-and-gas infrastructure — while the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers conducts a new environmental analysis.

Why it matters: The latest twist in the years-long fight over the pipeline is a defeat for the White House agenda of advancing fossil fuel projects and a win for Native Americans and environmentalists who oppose the project