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Illustration: Axios Visuals

Last month, Axios Pro Rata readers helped build a joke-book for our kids to read, as many of us balance working from home with childcare and remote learning. Then they did it again. Now, it's time for Part III:

Why did the square go jogging?

To stay in shape!

Why did the baby cross the road?

He was stapled to the chicken.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What did the thousand island say to the refrigerator?

"Close the door, I'm dressing."

What’s green and sings?

Elvis Parsley.

What did the science book say to the math book?

"You've got problems."

What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? 

"DAM!"

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Why did the invisible man turn down the new job? 

.He just couldn't see himself doing it.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?

It was just a stage he was going through.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

He felt crumby.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

What's a cat's favorite color?

Purr...ple.

My new girlfriend works at the zoo.

I think she’s a keeper.

What did one booger say to another?

"You think you're special, but you're snot."

Two muffins were sitting in the oven. The first muffin said, "It's hot in here!"

The second muffin said, "Look, a talking muffin!"

What kind of pants do Mario and Luigi wear?

Denim, denim, denim

Why did the chicken cross the road twice?

He was a double crosser.

Why was the painting sent to jail?

It was framed.

Why are grandma's teeth like the moon?

They come out at night.

What's the saddest fruit?

A blueberry.

How did Romans cut their hair?
With Caesars.

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.

Knock knock...

  • Who’s there?
  • Mikey
  • Mikey who?
  • Come on, open up. I forgot my keys!

Go deeper

Democrats to take up immigration reform next week

Biden in the Oval Office in January. Photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

The House will vote on two immigration bills next week, including one to protect undocumented immigrants who came to the U.S. as children, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) said Tuesday on a call with the Democratic caucus.

Why it matters: This is likely the only realistic shot the Biden administration has at this point to pass immigration reform.

Scoop: Biden briefing calls for 20,000 child migrant beds

President Biden, during a virtual meeting with Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador. Photo: Anna Moneymaker-Pool/Getty Images

A briefing scheduled for President Biden this afternoon outlines the need for 20,000 beds to shelter an expected crush of child migrants crossing the U.S.-Mexico border, Axios has learned.

Why it matters: The rapid influx of unaccompanied children is building into the administration's first new crisis. A presentation created by the Domestic Policy Council spells out the dimensions with nearly 40 slides full of charts and details.

FBI director: Jan. 6 Capitol attack was domestic terrorism

The FBI views the Jan. 6 Capitol siege as an act of domestic terrorism, director Christopher Wray testified in his opening statement Tuesday before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Why it matters: The FBI's designation of the attack as domestic terrorism puts the perpetrators "on the same level with ISIS and homegrown violent extremists," Wray said.