3 hours ago - Health
How to have better conversations
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Illustration: Maura Kearns/Axios
Nearly anyone can have more meaningful conversations by becoming an "opener," a term psychology researchers have for someone who easily gets others to open up.
Why it matters: Research suggests that strangers are much more open to conversation than you think.
- Marisa Franco, a professor, psychologist and the author of "Platonic," has these science-backed tips for having more engaging discussions.
Be curious.
- Openers are genuinely interested in other people, without judgment. They're less concerned with gossip and more interested in connection.
Ditch the small talk.
- Forget the standard "What do you do for a living?" — openers get creative. For example, asking for someone's opinion — or going out on a limb with one of these questions from Jim VandeHei's dinner party list — could spur deep connection.
- Note: People view vulnerability much more positively than we think.
Ask more follow-ups.
- Instead of waiting for the conversation to get back to them, openers process what the other person says and respond thoughtfully to it. That shows the other person that they've truly been heard.
Stay present.
- Openers are focused on the current moment and conversation, not scanning the room. That allows them to listen closely and avoid a rehearsed back-and-forth.
Find the "cathexis."
- That's a psychology term for the moment when someone gets excited about a topic — maybe their eyes light up or they gesture more. Openers can identify and zero in on it, drawing out deeper stories and feelings.
Carly's thought bubble: I tend to steer clear of questions that make people pick a "favorite" — I don't like being put on the spot like that myself.
- But one thing I do ask all the time — which I didn't realize until my husband recently teased me about it — is simply: "Can you tell me more about that?"
- I guess that's my way of chasing the cathexis.
