Jim VandeHei: 6 roles for the modern man
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Illustration: Aïda Amer/Axios
This column by Axios CEO Jim VandeHei is a sequel to Part 1, "Man Up."
Too often, men are drawn to the loud, the muscular, the powerful, the flashy, the rich or the renegades.
Why it matters: It's easy for algorithms to normalize or aggrandize saying, doing, acting as you want, consequences be damned. It's easy to slip into video games or porn or conspiracies or loneliness. It's easy to lose sight of what makes great people actually great.
When life gets complicated, a safe harbor is to simplify — to think deeply about the vital ingredients of any problem or solution. So I wanted to tap examples, from the Founding Fathers to my own father, to simplify manhood in a moment of generational challenge. And you'll see they're worthy guides for both my sons and my daughter:
1. Live honorably. All great people sacrifice greatly, often silently, in pursuit of what's right and good. They do hard things — and the right things — because that's what good people do. This demands courage, honesty and love of things beyond self. You can do this at school, by being a trusted classmate and diligent student; while dating, by being respectful; at work, by leading with the example of your effort; and in changing things broadly, by picking worthy fights and fighting them courageously and admirably.
- It's better to accomplish little, but live righteously, than to achieve success or riches unrighteously.
2. Love greatly. Most men probably scoff at those two words. They're too "tough" for sappiness. But you only feel fully human, fully alive, fully purposeful with deep, real, emotional relationships. Most men suck at this — especially with other men. Real relationships are hard — they demand work, embarrassment, frustration and emotional intelligence.
- But it's worth the effort. Relationships ground us, inspire us and instruct us. Every young man needs a male mentor, and every good adult male needs to step up and be one. The one common conclusion of almost all studies on longevity and happiness is the importance of strong, close relationships.
3. Think deeply. You don't need to be a nerd or a bookworm to be a good man in full. But you do need to study — study your strengths and weaknesses, study other men of high character to emulate, study your friends and enemies to better understand human nature, study the world around you to find how to best thrive and help.
4. Be gritty, not greedy. The trick to life is not getting more — it's getting through more. Perseverance is toughness. Grit is toughness. It's the trainable muscle to push through when life feels impossible, to surmount, not succumb.
- I once believed you were mostly born with grit. But I watched our adopted son, after losing both parents, transform from being a lackadaisical teenager to a man of tremendous grit — and honor. He was pushed and applauded by other good men. That's manly.
5. Work and serve strenuously. Every man has a moral obligation to work hard and serve others, starting with their families. Men, in particular, know they're prone to waste time doing bad or perverted things when they're not working at a job or on a cause. The rigor of work and service provides direction — and worthy satisfaction.
- If everyone works hard, particularly in historic moments like these, America soars.
6. Be a worthy dad/husband. We stopped glorifying simply being a good husband and then a good father. It's a tradition as old as time. Nothing in life provides more satisfaction and meaning.
- Men need to do their part by being attractive partners — which means holding a job, treating others well, and showing the ability to love and serve others.
📱 Jim would love to hear your experience and thinking. Drop him a blunt line: [email protected].
