👋 Hey, it's Monica. You know, the one with COVID.

I get that you're probably tired of hearing about my maladies.

• But you know who I haven't been able to tell about my disease? Chicago health authorities.
• That's because I tested positive (twice) using home tests and am not sure how to report it.

Why it matters: Health officials say they're making policy decisions based on metrics, including case rates. But with 10 freshly closed state testing centers and thousands of citizens using home kits, we wonder how they're maintaining accurate counts.

• CDPH officials could not tell me how to report a positive home test and instead referred me to a site that says Chicagoans don't need to report home tests.
• So … what am I supposed to do with the data that I have COVID? Keep it to myself, I guess.

What they're saying: "Although many [cases] are not reported to public health, we remain confident in our monitoring systems to detect increases in community transmission of COVID-19," CDPH's Andrew Buchanan tells Axios.

By the numbers: Based on current data, my ZIP code in Lakeview (60657) leads the city in case positivity at 5.5%.

• In fact, all of the highest-positivity ZIP codes represent downtown or North Side neighborhoods.

Yes, but: Positivity percentages only represent the cases health officials know about, leaving out scores of home test results.

What they're saying: Illinois Public Health spokesperson Mike Claffey says, "Neither IDPH nor CDC are counting cases in which someone tests themselves at home, and does not follow up with a provider."

• "The closure of the community-based testing sites will not have a significant impact, since as we announced last week, they were conducting less than 1% of tests statewide," he added.

Local colleges and universities took home top honors in the updated U.S. News and World Report rankings for graduate schools.

Why it matters: Healthy universities bring prestige, top talent, and revenue to the city and state.

• Plus, studying here may encourage top grads to stay and make the area their permanent home.

The methodology: U.S. News surveyed more than 2,100 programs and more than 23,000 academics and professionals to come up with their rankings. Highlights include:

💼 Best Business Schools: The University of Chicago's Booth School of Business was ranked No. 1, while Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management tied for third.

⚖️ Best Law Schools: UChicago ranked third, just after Yale and Stanford.

📚 Library and Information Studies Programs: The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign has the country's top program.

🎨 Fine Arts Programs: The School of the Art Institute of Chicago ranked second, behind only UCLA.

💵 Schools of Economics: UChicago ranked fourth, Northwestern eighth.

👩‍🏫 Schools of Social Work: UChicago ranked second.

🩺 Nursing Schools: Doctor of Nursing Practice: Rush University ranked third.

⛽ The city is giving away $12.5 million in prepaid gas and Ventra cards to combat high gas prices. Applications start on April 27 for a lottery to distribute the cards throughout the summer. (Tribune)

🚔 New crime analysis says that half of the murders solved by the Chicago police in 2021 did not lead to charges. (Sun-Times)

🏎 A new bill in Springfield would create stiffer penalties for drag racing on area expressways. It passed the House and is being reviewed in the Senate. (Block Club)

😷 Music venues all across the country — and locally — are pleading with patrons to mask up at concerts. (Pitchfork)

🏀 DeMar DeRozan scored 50 points in a thrilling overtime win against the Clippers last night. The Miami Heat come to the United Center for a possible playoff preview on Saturday. (NBA)

💼 New job, new me. Check out the latest job openings.

1. Digital Marketing Specialist at The Brattle Group.
2. Senior Revenue Accountant at Maven Wave.
3. Analyst, Finance & Analytics at Grubhub.

Want more opportunities? Check out our Job Board.

Hiring? Post a Job.

Julie Smolyansky took over her family's Lifeway Kefir business at 27 and has grown the Morton Grove-based company into an international empire of probiotic deliciousness.

• A native of Ukraine, the CEO signed up Lifeway to be the main sponsor of the recent Chicago Chefs Cook for Ukraine. Many dishes there featured her cheese and kefir.
• As a longtime Chicagoan and wellness, food, and music fan, Smolyansky seemed like an ideal person to tell us about a perfect Saturday in Chicago.

☕ Morning: "I usually make myself some coffee and read the newspaper. I like to take my dog Marley for a long walk to Lincoln Park and the lakefront for a swim."

• "We always stop at Green City Market to restock the fridge at home and for more coffee, green juice from Earth & Skye Farm, a grilled cheese sandwich from Gayle V’s Best Ever Grilled Cheese, or some fresh baked goods."

Read the rest of Smolyansky's perfect Chicago day.

A new study from glassdoorpolish.biz says that Chicago has the friendliest rats.

Why it matters: Rats get a bad rap for carrying diseases, but it may be that they are just misunderstood.

• The study's methodology used scurry rate, head & belly scratches, and music responses to determine which city hosted the most cheerful rodents.

Other highlights from the study:

• Philadelphia rats are the meanest.
• Tampa Bay has the oldest rats.
• Dallas rats love country music.

Another study from boatcleaner.org ranked Chicago's friendliest rodents:

We reached out to the possums, but they had not responded as of press time.

🐀 Go deeper: Please do.

It's April Fools' Day, a day set aside for pranks, hijinks, and celebrating our favorite comedians.

• In Chicago, that list is long. But one comedian always stood out: Bernie Mac.

Mac was an undeniable force on local stages for decades. And even though he became a big star in Hollywood, he always gave love back to his city.

• Mac died in 2008, but Chicago will never forget him.