D.C.'s Death Doula wants to meet up at the pub
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Congressional Cemetery's Death Doula in Residence, Laura Lyster-Mensh. Photo: Courtesy of Congressional Cemetery
Last call can be scary, but Death Over Drafts — a new pub meet-up in D.C. — wants to tap positively into end-of-life discussions, and even have a beer and a laugh doing it.
Why it matters: The free event series, hosted on the final (get it?) Tuesday of each month at Duffy's Capitol Hill East, is led by Congressional Cemetery death specialists whose goal is to create a casual space to connect over the inevitable.
The big picture: It's all part of the Death Positive Movement, a growing phenomenon in the U.S. that dispenses with taboos and encourages openness, support and acceptance around dying.
- Death doulas, a widening field of counselors and hospice/social workers, act similarly to labor doulas — professionals who support and ease life transitions, in this case, out instead of in.
Zoom in: Congressional Cemetery, one of the city's oldest and most active burial grounds, is a local leader in destigmatizing death. As Death Doula in Residence, Laura Lyster-Mensh has spent the last two-plus years leading death-positive conversations and gatherings, from obituary writing sessions to sold-out death cafes.
- "The desire to talk about this is really large," she tells Axios. "People walk in a little anxious and they leave a little lighter."
Flashback: Death Over Drafts started in Los Angeles in 2019 and caught on nationwide as a way to discuss heavy topics over light beer (or any beverage of choice).
How it works: "It's always an experiment," Lyster-Mensh says. There's no program or lecture — open discussion and questions are encouraged. Doulas often break out The Death Deck, a Q&A-style party game that often leads with humor and light topics. (Sample question: "Your spouse dies. Would you read their emails and journals?")
- Conversations will drift to weather or traffic, "because those are more comfortable places," says Lyster-Mensh. "Our job is to bring it back to death."
- One thing that doesn't come up, even on Capitol Hill: politics. "Our mortality is something that connects us all," she says. "So I see less partisanship, less anger and conflict."
The intrigue: Inclusivity is always the goal, but the age of participants in her death programming surprised Lyster-Mensh, who's 62. "I thought they'd be like me," she says. Instead, she sees a lot of young people, especially women.
- She thinks the combination of an aging population confronting death, plus the openness of younger generations, has helped fuel the death-positive movement.
What they're saying: "Young people have a very different relationship with their mental health, and with articulating their internal worlds and their emotions. There's a lack of shame. And I think that benefits older people and younger people. It's a beautiful thing."
What's ahead: The next Death Over Drafts will be Nov. 26.