At these Miami businesses, mangoes are valid currency

1. Hoarding: After waiting all year, you cherish every single mango you get as if it were the last one on Earth.

• No, I will not give you any. What if lightning strikes my mango tree tomorrow??

2. Heaven: It's raining mangoes. Every time you step outside, there's at least a couple of mangoes under your tree, like golden goose eggs.

• You feel like a wealthy merchant. Mangoes for breakfast and dessert. OK, here's two mangoes. Can I write this off on my taxes? I feel like Midas!

3. Help!!! You remember how Midas' story turned out. No matter how many you eat or freeze, you've got exactly 30 mangoes on your counter at all times.

• You can't give them away fast enough. Before each meal, you think, "How can I combine mangos into this?"
• All your cutting boards are stained orange and your knives are sticky. The stress of avoiding food waste overcomes you.

Why it matters: Luckily for me, mangoes — Miami's most popular fruit — are practically legal currency this time of year, and there are several local shops that will trade you mangoes for bread, ice cream and other goods.

Here's a list of some local shops offering mango trades, as Miami New Times first reported.

🥖 Zak The Baker: Miami's classic mango swap, since 2023. Six mangoes for one loaf of bread.

🥪 Tinta y Cafe: Fifteen mangos gets you a breakfast sandwich credit at their Miami Shores location. (They're making mango jam)

🍹 Tomorrowland: Bring in just one ripe mango to this downtown Miami bar and you can get a free spicy mango cocktail that's normally $14.

🍨 Narbona Coconut Grove: Through June 30, bring in four mangoes for a scoop of mango gelato.

🍦 Peel: Five pounds of mangoes for a small soft serve bowl at their Miami Shores location.

🥭 Whip 'n Dip: Bring 15 ripe mangoes for a pint of mango ice cream.

🍗 Tâm Tâm: Five pounds of ripe mangoes will get you a free order of their signature wings.

💭 Martin's thought bubble: Admittedly, when I first heard of the mango barter market, I scoffed. "My mangoes are too valuable to give them up." Then I hit Stage 3 of mango mania.

• Every tab on my browser is a different mango recipe: mango chutney, mango cheesecake, mango jam! "I'm gonna bring my doctor some mangoes," I told myself recently.

The bottom line: OK fine, I'll trade some.

Axios Miami reporter Sommer Brugal contributed to this report