Four lessons on raising compassionate, independent adults

Julie Lythcott-Haims is an educator, public speaker and bestselling author of “How to Raise an Adult.”

Charlotte Country Day School recently hosted Julie and invited Upper School students, families and faculty to learn about her perspectives on parenting and adulthood.

• More info: Watch a piece of the talk.

The takeaways: We asked a Country Day parent (Courtney Eliasek), teacher (Dr. Yven Destin) and student (Michael Lugo) about their perspective on and takeaways from the talk.

What was your #1 takeaway from Julie’s talk?

Courtney: Allow your child to follow their passions and interests; don’t force yours upon them.

• Here’s why: They should be the drivers of their journey into adulthood.

Dr. Destin: Everyone should have the courage to study what they love because self-love is at the heart of that courage. I interpreted that as the act of becoming better in-tuned with one’s passions.

• Why now: In a nation filled with messages to go to the “best” schools or become a part of the most “respected” professions, it can be hard for anyone to follow that inner voice of passion and pursue a non-traditional path of “success.”
• Okay, but: I was pleased to hear her acknowledge how difficult following one’s passion can be. She explained that her own decision to follow her heart ultimately cost her some relationships.

Michael: The main thing I took away from her talk was the importance of self-acceptance. She talked about being okay with yourself in the many areas of your life.

• An example: Whether it be with my academics, personal life, or identity, her words are helping me work through some of my insecurities.

What is one actionable change you’re planning to make after Julie’s visit?

Courtney: Julie suggested a one-week cleanse.

• What this means: For one week, don’t ask about school work or grades. Instead, focus conversations on things outside of academics.
• An example: My goal has been to discuss my kids’ personal interests such as art, sports, or a new hobby. I have made an effort to talk less and listen more.

Dr. Destin: Her talk was geared towards encouraging our students to love themselves enough to do what’s in their hearts, despite the external pressures of parents and school culture.

• The takeaway: As their teacher, it’s my responsibility to help create a school environment that fosters self-love; a place that helps students become better in tune with their passions.

Michael: I was motivated to be an agent of change when Julie spoke about ethnic identity and creating communities. Hearing how she has created communities for minorities and marginalized people made me realize that I want to do the same.

• Here’s how: As a leader of two diversity clubs at my high school, I am striving to create safe spaces for diverse students.

Charlotte Country Day offers parent education to foster lifelong learning through workshops and acclaimed speakers. Learn more.

Produced in partnership with Charlotte Country Day School.