Confessions of a Charlotte stay-at-home mom

Is being a stay-at-home parent a job? If you ask my dad who stayed home with a non-stop talking 3-year-old Mary, he would tell you hell yes. This Charlotte stay-at-home mom of twins has her hands full and even wishes she could leave for work some days for a little break. Here are her confessions about loneliness, strangers touching her kids and mommy drama.

What’s the best part about being a stay-at-home mom? The worst?

Unless we have an appointment, we don’t have to be out of the house early, which is wonderful. I’m still bound by nap and eating schedules, but it’s nice to decide what I want to do every day.

The worst is boredom and not being able to contribute much financially. Also, every day feels like Groundhog Day. Wake, feed, clean up, play/walk, feed again, clean up, nap, snack, play, clean up, dinner, bath, play, clean up, bed.

How do you respond to people who don’t consider being a stay-at-home mom a job?

I don’t think anyone has ever said this to my face.

Anyone who has kids and spends any amount of time around them knows that it’s hard work, so being home with them 24/7 would obviously be a job.

Is there a weird tension between stay-at-home moms and working moms?

Before I had kids, I’ll admit that I was a little judgey of moms who didn’t need to work and chose to… or had nannies but still didn’t work.

Now I think that even though we may judge each other for how we parent differently, we all wish we could have it all. Sometimes I wish I could just leave and go to work. Other times, I can’t imagine how I’d get it all done (laundry, dishes, cleaning, dinner) if I did work a full-time job outside the home.

We should also have the conversation about how working moms and working dads are treated differently… but that’s another conversation.

Are you in any mom-groups? Is there drama?

I’m in mom groups online.

We’re too busy to actually meet in person.

There is occasionally drama and I try not to get involved, but I’ve seen arguments over whether to vaccinate your kids, if it’s OK to send your kid to school if they don’t have a fever but vomited last night (my opinion is no), telling other moms they can’t use “your” baby’s name and, recently, a mom suggested someone call DSS because another mom was joking about giving her kids away for free when they were driving her nuts.

Do you ever get lonely?

Hell yes.

I go on a couple of walks per day and usually don’t see many people.

If I do, I may try to strike up a conversation (that is until my kids start whining). I try to keep in touch with other moms and plan outings, but let’s be honest, a coffee date with young kids is not productive.

What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you as a mom of twins?

When they were in infant car seats I would click them into the stroller and cover them so no one would touch them, but now, they are like little magnets. People think it’s OK to just touch them! I get comments EVERY time we are out in public. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “Are they twins?” or “You have your hands full!” I could probably pay off my car.

You’d also be surprised how many people watch me struggle with my double stroller through a doorway and just look without offering to hold the door.

Do you ever wish your spouse volunteered to be a stay-at-home parent instead?

Yes and no.

My husband works late, has a “real” boss and deals with the general public, which I consider to be worse than what I do. So he can continue going to work and I’ll stay here.

What’s mom-time look like during nap time? Does it ever include a small cocktail or a nap?

You would think that I’d drink myself into passing out every afternoon, but I don’t.

Now that they take just one nap, I usually have 2 to 3 hours to get things done like eating my own lunch, showering, watching any TV shows I actually want to pay attention to, laundry, working out or getting freelance work done.

Sometimes I take my own nap, but then I suffer later because I let the rest of the things go.

I wish I could use that time to run errands alone, but it’s frowned upon to leave your sleeping kids home alone.

Any other confessions?

Kids are gross. On more than one occasion, my daughter has pulled her diaper out from underneath her while I was changing her and poop nuggets went everywhere, including under her chin. Thank God she didn’t pick it up and eat it!

Our son has spit up all down my husband’s shirt, down into his underwear. He is now obsessed with putting his hands down the back of his diaper, which is really a treat when he’s pooped.

I also let things slide now more than I thought I would. For instance, they drink a little bath water, watch too much TV, nibble on chalk, taste dirt… they wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t good for them, right?

Note: Love confessions? Here’s the entire confessions series collection. If you’d like to participate, please email [email protected]. We promise to keep you anonymous.