Confessions of a Charlotte HR manager

In my experience, being sent to talk to HR is a nightmare. You’re either getting fired or yelled out for not wearing pantyhose. Do people still wear pantyhose? I’ve been in advertising for too long.

Anyways, I spoke with an HR manager about the most common office complaints, strip clubs and the person who sent in a job application from the email address “[email protected].” Here are her confessions:

What’s the most common workplace complaint?

Honestly this one is easy (especially in an office full of mostly women): the toilet paper not being replaced in the bathroom and/or hair and blood on the floor. It’s lazy and flat out gross.

What’s the best part about your job? The worst?

I love the employee engagement but being a well-paid babysitter sucks most days. People seem to forget that I’m a person too. And when they complain about stupid stuff, or try and talk to me in the bathroom I’m always like, can I get five minutes to finish up in here?

Are holiday parties with alcohol your worst nightmare?

Last year was tame, but we’ve had years where the ‘sales guys’ have gone to strip clubs and had a full on afterparty, forgotten where they left their company vehicles, charged up their company credit cards and gotten in fights and damn near been arrested. So, yeah, I’d say we’ve had a few years of ‘Wild ‘N Out’ style parties.

What’s the dumbest workplace disagreement you’ve had to help settle?

Someone parking in someone else’s ‘favorite’ parking spot. REALLY?!

Tell me about the worst person you’ve interviewed.

How much time do you have? I guess the thing that stands out is when people apply for a job and their return email address is something like [email protected] (yes, that’s a real one). How can I take you seriously?

Other terrible interviews start with the interviewee asking, “How much does this pay?” “How much time off do I get?” or “When will I get promoted?” Here’s a tip: these should not be your first questions.

What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to you at work?

We had someone “accidentally” leave their handgun in the office. They said they just took it out of their pocket while looking for something and forget to put it back. That’s a definite no-no and luckily a trustworthy employee found it and turned it in.

Do you have to yell at people for doing weird stuff on their computers?

Oh yeah. I’ve had to talk to specific employee groups for too much ‘porn surfing’ on company provided equipment.

Any good firing stories?

Early on in my career I had a woman jump through a window and try to beat my ass. She was super ticked off because she felt like she was shorted hours on her time card. She wasn’t… but she was clueless. We called the cops and they ended up removing her from the property.

Any other confessions?

I’ve walked in on a couple having oral sex while at work. That was a bit of an eye opener.