It’s about time Charlotte gets mini golf

But, unfortunately, this is impossible. Because Charlotte doesn’t have mini golf.

Now if you’re one of those people that counts Pineville as Charlotte (it’s not Charlotte) then you’ll tell me that Adventure Landing has three mini golf courses. This is true.

However, they have ZERO, count them ZERO, fun plastic animals on the course (I drove down there just to be sure). That, plus their dismal 1.5-star rating on Yelp makes Adventure Landing a hard pass for me when it comes to mini golf.

If you’re one of those people who thinks that Topgolf is a great alternative to a game of putt-putt, you are also very wrong.

Let’s put it this way—if I’m not trying to hit a pink golf ball into an elephant’s trunk across a Gatorade-blue river, then I’m just not having that much fun. Although I have heard that Topgolf has good hummus, which is always appreciated.

Still not convinced we need mini golf in Charlotte? Here are three more important reasons why we need a putt-putt course ASAP:

(1) Mini golf is the perfect place to have a first date.

This is the only courting activity where you can find out if your date is:

a. Way too competitive
b. A terrible athlete and therefore your future children will be terrible athletes OR
c. Willing to let you cheat and mark down that your 14 strokes was only 6.

(2) I have it on good authority that children love mini golf.

Here is a text conversation I had with a friend who has kids:

See? They love it.

(3) Waterfalls.

People love them and a good mini golf course can have several breathtaking four-foot tall waterfalls so you don’t have to travel three hours to see one.

We have gone far too long without windmill obstacles, mini pencils and a s***ty snack shack that serves Choco Tacos. I beg of you, bring your kitschiest mini golf course to Charlotte. We desperately need it.