Charlotte is too shy to talk about sex, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t doing it

Sex is weird to talk about. Especially since I know for a fact that my boyfriend’s grandmother reads all my articles. (Hi, Nana!)

But, regardless of the awkward Sunday dinner conversations I’m about to have, sex is something that people in Charlotte do. And, it turns out, do quite frequently.

To find out more about Charlotte’s bedroom activities, I created an anonymous survey (open to people of all sexual orientations) and sent it out to about 100 people. It contained the following questions:

• On average, how often do you have sex?
• What day(s) do you usually have sex?
• How often do you use protection while having sex?

Here’s what I found from my very unscientific survey:

Of those surveyed, 38% of Charlotteans have sex two to three times per week, making this the most common frequency. The next most popular is once a week and no one surveyed has sex every day or more than once a day. Here’s the full breakdown (percentages are approximate):

• Less than once a month: 16%
• Once a month: 5%
• Every two weeks: 11%
• Once a week: 25%
• 2 to 3 times per week: 38%
• 4 to 6 times per week: 5%
• Every. Damn. Day.: 0%
• More than once a day: 0%

Not surprisingly, Saturday is the most popular day for sex with a whopping 89% responding that this is their go-to day. Monday is the least popular day because Mondays are a day when no one bothers to shave their legs.

Interestingly enough, 75% of respondents over 50 have sex two to three times per week, which is very impressive. And their most popular day to have sex? Wednesday. Is there something going on every Wednesday? Some sort of sexy Mahjong tournament? I feel like we need to dive deeper in on this.

Finally, the survey found that only 25% of Charlotteans always use protection and 58% said they never use it (which is probably why I’ve been seeing so many babies at breweries lately.)

Because I couldn’t survey our entire city, I wanted to find out from a real live couples therapist what sex trends she sees in our city.

Lori Epting, a licensed professional counselor and trained EFT Couples Therapist, gave me the low-down on trends she has personally seen when it comes to sex in Charlotte. Here’s six things I learned:

(1) We’re conservative. Lori’s noticed that even though Charlotte is more progressive than other areas of the South, there’s still a conservative culture when it comes to sex. Lori told me, “Talking openly about sex is not typically as comfortable in more conservative couples and families. Often times, sex was never talked about in a positive way growing up, but rather with more negative attitudes that painted it as a negative thing.”

(2) We don’t share. She’s found that being a couple’s therapist in Charlotte can be a bit more challenging since she has to really encourage couples to talk about sex and sexual satisfaction.

(3) We don’t ask for help. Not surprisingly, she’s also found that fewer people in Charlotte are willing to reach out for help when it comes to sexual issues since the subject is out of their comfort zones.

(4) We like sex, weekly. Lori told me that there is a wide range of sex frequency in couples. But, on average, she’s found that married couples report once a week as a norm. (This can depend on life stages; like if you have kids, medical issues, work schedules, etc.) But what about when it comes to single people? You single kids are all so different that she hasn’t found an average.

(5) We need sex. After seeing that 16% of people surveyed have sex less than once a month, I asked Lori if couples could be happy only having sex once a year. Here’s what she said “It is less likely that you would find that one or both partners are satisfied with having sex once or twice a year. Typically, someone in the relationship is feeling distress regarding the lack of sex. (Which makes sense, as sex is an important part of a romantic connection.) This would likely be an indicator that there is something wrong.”

(6) We need to shut off the internet. And when it comes to the most common sexual issues she sees in Charlotte, technology is the main culprit. Pornography and sexting are allowing people to meet sexual needs without intimate sex.

Lori explained, “In today’s culture, pornography or sexual interactions through technology are often the first sexual experience for many young adults. This means that they are skipping over the relationship skill of creating an emotional connection before adding the sex into the relationship. Then, these same people grow up and come to marriage counseling due to their partner’s dissatisfaction that they feel disconnected and therefore, feel less like having sex with their partner. They are having to learn how to build emotional connection later in life.”

So, yeah, sex is weird to talk about. But it sounds to me like Charlotteans need to talk about this weird topic a little bit more.

Maybe married couples talking about sex would help limit infidelity due to sexual dissatisfaction.

Maybe parents talking to their teens about sex could help reduce pornography addiction.

And maybe, weekend hook-upers, putting down the Fireball shots and talking about sex could help stop unwanted pregnancies.

Besides, talking about sex with the person you’re having sex with can’t be as weird as me talking about sex with 2,000 strangers plus my boyfriend’s grandma, right? I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s not. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be.