I ordered one of those new $99 on demand massages – here’s how it went down

If you can save people time, no matter what the extra cost, people will pay for it and companies are taking advantage (Uber, Postmates, Hux, TaskRabbit, etc).

As any Facebook browser can understand, I was recently sucked into an ad for an app called Soothe (another option is Zeel).

Soothe, per their App Store description, delivers vetted, certified and insured massage therapists to your home, hotel, office or event space in less than one hour. It’s offered in 51 U.S. cities, London, Toronto, Vancouver, Melbourne and Sydney.

The tip for your masseuse is added to the bill like the Uber model.

While wrapping up work last week, I logged on, added my credit card information and ordered a 60-minute Swedish massage for 7 p.m.

While Soothe markets themselves as a “massage within an hour” company, they struggled to find a masseuse for me and pushed back my massage to 8:30 p.m. Next time, I’ll schedule my massage way in advance.

As I waited for my masseuse to arrive, I couldn’t help but think of these three questions…

(1) Is my masseuse going to haul her huge massage table into my house or are we doing this thing on my king size?

(2) Where’s this massage going to take place?

(3) When she asks “OK, go ahead and get comfortable, I’ll step outside,” where’s she stepping out to?

At 8:30 p.m., a sweet older lady appeared at my door, WITH HER HUSBAND.

She was so small and her table weighed so much that he had to carry it in for her.

You can’t make this up. Question 1 had been answered. Her husband will carry her table…

So he set up the table in my bedroom, awkwardly shook my hand, left my house and waited in his car for an hour. Question 2 has now been answered…

With two roommates and a dog, it had to happen in my bedroom.

We made small talk while she put sheets on the table and prepared for the massage.

When she asked me to “get comfortable” she stepped out into the hallway outside my bedroom. Question 3 answered…

I got under the sheet pretty fast.

She re-entered the room to start the massage and right before it began I shouted to my Amazon Echo, “Alexa, turn on Ocean Sounds!” She was impressed.

I feel like giving details of the massage in an article is a little weird but everyone’s had a massage so we’ll skip that part.

When she finished the massage and stepped outside into the hallway, it hit me.

I couldn’t lay there and bask in the amazingness of the massage.

With a normal massage, she would go up to the front desk and wait for me to slowly get dressed. Now she’s standing in the hallway of my house, getting growled at by my dog.

So I instantly popped up, got dressed, and welcomed her back into the bedroom.

She alerted her husband that the massage was done (I basically paid for a massage and security guard for an hour). He came back in for the massage table, shook my hand again, she thanked me for having her and they were on their way.

The entire massage cost me $94 ($99 – $5 first time discount) and I never stepped foot out of my house. Not sure I’ll do it again, but I’m not afraid of weird.