15 burning questions from this Frank Kaminsky photo

It appears to be a sponsored post for Skittles, but this is far from some boring ad of Frank indulging his sweet tooth while smiling at the camera.

If you aren’t familiar with why this might be in character for Frank Kaminsky, get caught up on him with some great profiles here and here. All you need to know for the purposes of this photo is that even though he may have gotten off on the wrong foot with the Queen City, Frank the Tank has quite the personality on him and in my opinion should be much better known and beloved in the Charlotte area. Frank’s quirkiness is the perfect dose of weird that we as a city should make more of an effort to embrace.

But back to this photo. It begs way, waaaaaaay more questions than it answers.

Here are 15 of the most pressing:

(1) Is Frank wearing shorts? Or is he fully in the buff?

(2) Frank’s a big guy (in fact, he’s 6’11”!) and that’s a lot of manbody to have to cover with sacks of candy. How many bags of Skittles are in there with him? Did he have to ask the honchos at Mars, Inc. to send him more?

(3) Is Skittles happy with this ad?

(4) Did Frank have to clear this at all with Skittles? If so, what did he say?

(5) Let’s talk about the Dobby statue. Does Dobby always watch Frank bathe?

(6) Are there other Dobby cutouts around Frank’s place? Other Harry Potter statues? I feel like this Dobby standup is just the tip of the iceberg of HP iconography in House Kaminsky.

(7) Was this tub used earlier in the day for a shower (or bath I suppose).

(8) What do the outtakes of this photoshoot look like? Nobody only takes just one picture and posts it in this situation

(9) What does Frank do with those Skittles now? Just put them in a bowl for his friends?

(a) If so, and if the answer to question 1 is “fully nude,” does Frank have a moral obligation to disclose to any would-be Skittles-eaters that the bags have touched his naked body? I say yes.

(10) WHO TOOK THIS PHOTO?!?!???

(11) How much time did it take to set up this photo? I like to think it took 5 minutes, but it’s equally funny to imagine him taking half a day to get this to get the lighting juuuust right and look exactly how he wanted.

(12) How many people will purchase Skittles as a result of this ad?

(13) Do the Hornets have an opinion on this? Coach Cliff?

(14) Where does this rank on the scale of weird/funny/quirky/endearing/crazy things that Frank has done in the public eye? I think it’s way below this. Probably middle of the pack? He’s got an impressive resume.

(15) How long is that tub? Frank’s knees don’t appear to be bent. That’s quite a lengthy tub to accommodate the legs of a 6’11” fella. Custom tubs can’t be cheap.

I feel like this is just scratching the surface of what’s delightfully weird about this. What’d I miss?