I rewrote inspirational Pinterest quotes for men.

Not surprisingly, most of the content on Pinterest is made by and geared towards women. You’ll find photo inspiration for things like weddings, fashion, baby showers, home decor, recipes, fitness and more.

Pinterest is also a treasure trove for certain girl power brand of business-centric motivational quotes that drive me completely insane.

For me, these viral visual quotes miss the mark and perpetuate a slew of limiting, outdated beliefs about what it looks like to lead as a woman. They suggest that if we work hard while looking pretty, dressing well, being nice and acting like a man (but not too much like a man), we’ll get ahead, succeed and leave a legacy.

Lest men miss out on this valuable advice, I took the liberty of rewriting some motivational “pinspiration” with reversed gender pronouns so we can all get ahead together. Because I’m not here to compete, you know? Just here to be likable.

Enjoy your free career coaching, guys! Let me know if you land the job.

Be nice.

It’s important to play nice, be likable and bite your tongue to avoid looking bossy, bitchy or *GASP* opinionated. Do whatever it takes not to be competitive, direct, critical or authentic in any way. Most importantly, please be nice to Tim even if his pitch completely sucks today. Don’t hurt his feelings with the truth. Just, shhh.

Be pretty.

Your talent, intelligence and skills are second to your physical beauty. Women who wear makeup in the workplace are paid more so the importance of men also being pretty at work should not be ignored. Try a nice bold red lip next time your have a big presentation.

Dress the part.

Wearing a cute outfit can camouflage your shortcomings, achievements and everything in between. Make sure you look good but not so good that your very existence is a distraction to your sex-crazed coworkers. They’re a bunch of animals but your physical existence is your fault so please at least bring a cardigan or something to cover up.

Be a boss.

In many companies, you probably already are. (There are only 21 female CEOs in the Fortune 500.) Score one for the boys. Good work.

Have actual testicles.

Congratulations! The world’s obsession with male genitalia as a sign of dominance works in your favor in the workplace (and basically everywhere).

Fellow women, if these motivational quotes really stoke your feminist fire and push you out of bed in the morning, great. Share them. Savor them. Live your life. That’s fine.

What I’m saying is we can’t rely on fun, quippy inspirational quotes to get ahead in this world. What we need is equal pay for equal work. We need to teach girls to code. We need programs that funnel girls into careers in male-dominated fields of science, technology, engineering and math. We need a female president of the United States of America. We need affordable childcare and adequate maternity leave. We need men who call themselves feminists. And we need women who demand more.