9 items of offbeat Hornets gear at the team shop

The Hornets have the chance to win a playoff series Friday night and deserve the same level of apparel support from the people of Charlotte. You should definitely own at least one Hornets item, ideally purchased from the team store after a Hornets home playoff victory.

When you step into the Hornets team store, you see all the typical items you’ve come to expect (hats, jerseys, shirts) but you may also notice some…offbeat…items featuring the Hornets logo lining the shelves.

Recently, noted Hornets enthusiast/fashion critic Did Carolina Win Last Night (@DCWLN) and I had the pleasure of being shown around the team store by some of the staff, and paid special attention to the more bizarre items available for purchase. There was all kind of crazy stuff, but we narrowed the list down to a few of our favorites below.

Tiara

This tiara is perfect for wearing during your pickup basketball games at the park to let everyone know you are a dangerous psychopath not to be trifled with. That said, I wouldn’t be too surprised to find out Frank Kaminsky owned a tiara or two as props for some of his antics.

These tiaras also serve as a great Trojan house to subconsciously con your princess-obsessed daughter into being interested in at least some aspect of the NBA.

Bowties

These are actually kind of awesomely understated. If you’re a rabid Hornets fan with an understanding fiancée and are planning a wedding, you kind of need to buy these as gifts for your groomsmen to wear in the ceremony. It’s the next-best thing to having Muggsy Bogues be your officiant*.

I feel like Nic Batum wears these bowties in the offseason when he’s at some classy club on the French Riviera introducing himself to glamorous people by saying “Batum. Nic Batum.” So classy.

Garter

I am genuinely interested to know how many of these the Hornets have sold. It takes a special kind of situation for a Hornets garter to be used non-ironically. If you sincerely used a Hornets garter as part of your wedding festivities, please let me know. You are a Charlotte treasure and deserve adulation.

Growlers

This is less offbeat for the Charlotte of 2016. Charlotte loves its craft beer, and you can show your Bug Pride while filling up on some of Charlotte’s finest suds at a local brewery. How much more Charlotte does it get than that? None. None more Charlotte.

If beer isn’t your thing, this growler also carries the precise amount of salt to fuel surly Heat fans complaining about referees.

Bedazzled Handbag

I don’t have what you would call an eye for fashion. My personal style is best described as “apathetic dad.” But even to my amateur eye, this bag is gaudy at best. What do you carry in this? A gallon of fake Chanel No 5 perfume and an Elton John cassette? 

The eye-catching nature of this bag is probably best implemented for the times when the only clean jersey dress you’ve got is from the Bobcats days and you need something to distract the eye from the bright orange.

Kippah

This item may have gotten some use recently during Charlotte-area Passover celebrations. I love this blend of business, branding, and religion.

Also, forget everything you thought you knew about clipping on your Hornets-branded kippah. According to the packaging, this has some new patent-pending clip technology that’s going to blow your mind. 

Keychain

Pair this keychain with one that’s a stick filled with glitter that says “Myrtle Beach 2007 Beach Week” and you’ve got yourself quite the conversation starter.

 Yoga Mat

Charlotte loves its yoga, and I’ve got some great news for you yoga freaks. You can now show your Hornets pride as you do yoga at a restaurant. Or a brewery. Or a park. Despite the fact that the venn diagram of avid yoga participants and avid NBA fans looks like a sideways 8, this would be a phenomenal gift for someone who spends their time with each. As they say on the internet, “get you a man that can do both.”

Skateboard

Of all these items, the ones that might make the least sense are the tiny skateboards. These look very sharp, but at about 22 inches long, I’m not sure how functional they’d be for anyone but the tiniest of Hornets fans.

However, should you buy one of these bad boys for the purpose of kickflipping in style, you won’t be able to try it out immediately. As @DCWLN astutely pointed out, skateboarding is expressly forbidden at TWC Arena, according to this sign just steps from the gift shop.

Kemba and Cody Gnomes

After assessing the merits of these unconventional, crazy, and downright odd items, I think the tiara is the most offbeat and worthy of joining the Cody and Kemba Gnomes in the Offbeat Hornets Merchandise Hall of Fame.

What other strange Hornets items have you seen? If you find something good, let us know on Twitter at @thetrolleywalk and @DCWLN.

Go Bugs!

*I totally made this up, but he absolutely should offer this service in Charlotte for a small fee. He’d be a billionaire.

Special thanks to the Hornets team store for letting us take pictures for this article. They didn’t ask us to write the article and didn’t compensate us in any way. They were just incredibly generous with their time.