Mailbag: 25 letters on Charlotte weddings, Barclay Downs and not drinking

In response to Katie’s newsletter intro on March 3

“Loved your wedding synopsis. I am a 55 year old first time bride to be who has been planning events my entire life. This is the most daunting ‘thing’ I have ever done.” – J

“Just wanted to tell you to stick with the budget wedding ideas. My husband and I married 18 yrs ago and we had a very nice, frugal wedding. We had it in the middle of the afternoon so we didn’t have to serve a meal, just snacks. We kept our flowers simple. My brides’ maid got to pick their own short sleeve short black dress. My dress only cost $225. I consigned it and got $75 when I was done. Our photographer was a friend that took our pictures and gave us all the proofs for a total of $100. We used the proofs to make our wedding book. I remember our wedding as being fun. Of course, you will be so busy that you won’t remember any of it. We got to the Bahamas and I remembered I had left my car at the church.” – D

“As a groomsman in 37 weddings to date, I can tell you this: in the years following their weddings I have asked those couples if they would do it the same way again. Nearly all of them have responded something like, ‘Oh, heck, no. We should have used all that money on a house.’ I love the idea of a party & wedding. It would surprise and delight everyone.” – A

“What you are feeling is 100% normal! While weddings can include traditions and formalities there are no rules. Vendors may be pointing you in the direction of these traditions by default but you will find vendors that are excited to support your unique event experience. My favorite weddings to work with are those where the couple is focused on celebrating their commitment and union. This can take on so many shapes and budgets. My advice is to not be afraid to do something different! The surprise weddings that I have planned have been some of my favorite events in my 14 years of event planning experience. 😊” – K

“You are absolutely right. There is no worse answer to ‘why do we need to do that’ than ‘because that’s the way it’s always been done.’ When we were married years ago, we also ran smack into the wall of the wedding industrial complex and its rip-off pricing structure. Other than the guilt complex the industry fabricates – ‘you’ll only do this once, who cares about money’ – I am convinced that a big part of the disconnect between services rendered and their cost is due to the fact that in most cases the people making the buying decision (bride & groom) are different than the people paying the tab (bride’s parents). For folks like us who paid for our own way, this of course doesn’t work, and we were forced to patch together non-traditional wedding options. Took more work, but everything turned out great. Good luck!” – B

“OMGee, Katie! You hit the nail on the head with that wedding stuff! I can’t even. I mean, I really, CAN’T EVEN. Funny thing—I started calling it an ‘event’ when reaching out to vendors, as to best avoid the unspoken wedding upcharge. Not to mention, we’re supposed to be walking down the aisle on June 11th and I still haven’t received the final contract from the ceremony venue. I’m so apathetic about it at this point I may seriously just get married in my backyard… Best of luck to you, sweet girl!!” – M

“You’re not losing it. The wedding market is a market. It’s a fabulous thing, but the vendors are literally banking on your emotions. I got engaged and married within 14 weeks – no, it wasn’t a shotgun wedding – I had been living on my own for over 15 years and found myself briefly living with my parents while we planned the wedding (so it was just a case of ‘the sooner the better’).”

“We bought our flowers the morning of at the farmers market and instead of spending the day at the spa like many do- we (my mom and bridesmaids and friends) sat around and made simple bouquets and arrangements and still had time for manicures after. We held the wedding and reception at my parents beach house and asked a friend/minister to marry us. We used my mom’s vintage table clothes. I bought a dress off the rack on clearance that I adored. It got dirty on the bottom(sand) but it washed off- but I didn’t care because I didn’t spend a fortune and I loved it just the same. I have no visions of my daughter wearing it- it’s not an heirloom – and spoiler alert – I haven’t worn it again nor do I plan to. The one thing I regret is registering for fine china- I still don’t use it. Never even got enough to enjoy a full meal with friends on it. My mom says it was tradition and everyone needs china. No they don’t. My mom has 6 full sets of china in a cabinet somewhere collecting dust, that I sadly will someday inherit. The beauty about today and getting married in 2016 is you can do it exactly how you want it. I love the birthday party idea- just do you and know that you’ll love it.” – S

“I have been married for almost a year (next month woohoo!) and I have to say that I felt the same way in the beginning. Mainly because when it came to vendors I was lost! I had no direction what so ever. To this day I am still completely obsessed with every vendor I chose and still talk about how amazing they all were. So from one Charlotte bride to another, here is my list.

• Photographers: Anchor and Veil photography – Devin and Kathryn are awesome to work with! They treat you right and you will develop an awesome friendship
• Make up: Who’s the Fairest – got this recommendation from a great friend who also used her. Her work is beautiful!!! Check her out. She does a free trial session.
• Florist: The Bloom Room – Pinterest in person form. All I need to say!! She works wonders
• Cake: Dale Richardson – Dale used to work for East Meck High School and bakes her cakes out of her house. She uses a pound cake recipe and has several flavors. She can do anything you ask and her price is VERY reasonable for the amount of cake you are getting!

We got married at The VanLandingham Estate and they provided all food so I’m not too sure on caterers in town. But those vendors are considered gold in my book. If I were able to completely re-do my day I wouldn’t change a single thing because they made it so perfect! Enjoy the time and try to make it as stress free as possible!” – C

In response to: A skimmable guide to who you will be voting for on March 15

“I read your skimmable advice article on the upcoming elections and primaries. As with most people, politics is a hot button issue, and while I think letting people know when voting is taking place, why it’s taking place in March instead of May, I feel that giving your political opinions and analysis is bias. I wish we lived in world where people actually researched the candidates, their voting record, and listened to what is being said, instead of being spoon fed on how they should vote. I appreciate what I think you were trying to accomplish, but after reading your article I felt like I should either vote for Clinton or Trump. And I wonder how many others feel that way, and won’t take the initiative to research and explore all their options?” – S

In response to: How Cam Newton has influenced my run for public office at age 28

“‘If we dare to call Charlotte a global city, our leadership should mirror that claim.’ I let out an audible ‘Amen’ when I read that. Lula, you are incredible. Thank you for being a champion of so many people, from so many walks of life. We need more you’s in politics these days.” – T

In response to: Ru San’s all-you-can-eat sushi lunch buffet is the IKEA of sushi and you’ll love it

“Whenever I need a pick-me up, I clear my afternoon schedule, go over to Ru San’s, eat until I’m ready to pop, and spend the rest of the day in a blissful food coma. You may or may not be the first person I’ve ever admitted this to…” – A

“Nooooooo. For years we’ve known to arrive super early to Ru San’s’ incredible lunch buffet if we want prime pickins. It already gets packed, often with a line out the door before they even open, but now thanks to today’s story everyone and their mother, brother, and sister’s friend’s aunt’s podiatrist is going to know about it and lord is that going to be a mess – thanks a lot, Agenda… Obviousy kidding, lots of kidding. It’ll be great for Ru San’s’ business and that’s awesome. I will say it always gives me a little urge to pat myself on the back when y’all cover something like it’s novel, when I’ve known about it for years. I’m not even super Charlotte-y, but I’ll hoard my nuggets of Queen City knowledge as much as I can! In all seriousness, great story and thanks for covering this place – they do a wonderful job and deserve the local love.” – A

In response to: People freak out about Laurel Market’s tasty breakfast sandwiches, here’s why

“On one hand, I’m excited that y’all gave Laurel Market some love today; on the other, I’m kind of mad that another hidden gem and secret has been let out. But in the end, (local) love wins. P.S., Their baked goods also deserve major credit.” – C

In response to: Here’s what I told a friend about each of the neighborhoods in Charlotte

“After reading Kylie’s article in this morning’s agenda, I’m finding myself frustrated with CA again. I’ve been a subscriber since day one and the Agenda is the first thing I read every morning. But, the constant bashing on Ballantyne/Pineville/the ‘burbs is frustrating. I’m in my early twenties, yet I live in Pineville with my husband and I love it. There are many reasons we choose to live here: we have a four bedroom house with a fenced in yard for the dog for the same price you could get a two bedroom ranch closer to the city, we both avoid 485/77 congestion and get to work in 15 minutes or less, but we are still just a short drive up 485 or on the light rail to get to any brewery or bar you’re always covering. Living ‘out here’ doesn’t hinder our social lives one bit. By living in the ‘burbs we are saving for our future (and lots of vacations), making our daily commutes easier and giving the pup plenty of space to run every day, off leash without sacrificing any of the fun Charlotte offers. Charlotte is a huge city and every neighborhood has something special to offer, and I’d love to see more coverage of South Charlotte that doesn’t include bashing how ‘far away’ it is.” -L

“Nothing to do in Barclay Downs? … Ouch…. Barclay Downs Swim and Racquet… My brothers and sister and I spent the entire summer at Barclay Downs Swim and Racquet. Not a few afternoons here or there, or an occasional weekend, I mean the ENTIRE summer. First one there in the morning, last to leave at night. May through August. We might get a quick trip to the beach, or each of the kids would go to camp for a few days, but otherwise the entire summer was spent splashing and diving in the pool and whacking tennis balls over the fence on the tennis courts. I’m not a member of Barclay Downs today, but I’ve heard the adults continue to have a great time there year-round, with occasional parties (recent Bad Daddies gig I heard was great), and plenty of opportunities to discreetly share cold ones with your neighbor by the pool… Like the city of Charlotte, which is snuggled a short drive away to the mountains or the beach, Barclay Downs in many ways is an ideal puzzle piece, wedged into south Charlotte with easy access to schools, shopping, outdoor adventures and more.” – D

In response to: It is very OK if you don’t feel like drinking tonight

“Great article! I agree there is a lot of social pressure to drink and it can often be hard to combat. I think a dedicated article or follow up to this would be: “Social activities for adults that don’t want to drink all the time” (with a much more creative title…I’m a consultant, not a writer)! We tend to default to alcohol because it’s a fallback and allows us to gather in a neutral location (e.g., I don’t have to clean my apartment) or may not have a lot of time for something like dinner or a movie. Checking out the new brewery down the street can be done in less than an hour, at almost any time of day. Or sipping a glass of wine after work on a weekday doesn’t interfere with dinner plans you may have. I think the biggest catch here is that it’s easy. Alternate activities can often require planning ahead of time. And who has time for that? Grabbing a drink can be done any time, anywhere, with minimal effort. For example, movies are great but everyone has to agree and the times have to be planned around. What are good options that can replace the ‘need’ to grab a drink?” – T

“Hi Katie, I PROMISE I am not starting a habit of sending personal notes to you all at the Agenda… But you have just been speaking to me lately! I will stop…..after this one. I swear, just yesterday, I was driving and thinking about contributing a piece on things to do in Charlotte that don’t involve drinking. Seriously. And then I see your piece this morning. You see, it hits home with me because I had to totally stop drinking almost 10 years ago. There is a WONDERFUL subculture of non-drinkers in this town. Granted, I did meet them all in AA meetings but the AA scene here in Charlotte is incredible. I know this is a little different than your experience of simply not always wanting to drink, but it is similar in the annoyance with how much alcohol plays a part in most social events. Just thought I would let you in on the ‘other’ people who are looking for fun and great things to do….while not drinking.” – R

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. I get a little frustrated with the Axios Charlotte articles because so many are about brewery openings and drinks with this and drinks with that. Not all of us want to drink all the time, but our culture makes it seem perfectly acceptable and almost required to drink everywhere, every day. I’ve learned to say no when I really don’t want to and am often met with raised eyebrows like I’m a crazy person, but with practice it hasn’t bothered me as much.” – A

“Again, thank you for bringing this to the mainstream. People need to know it is perfectly acceptable to not drink if they don’t want to and it’s not a big deal.” – J

“In her story ‘It’s very OK if you don’t feel like drinking tonight,’ Katie said: ‘I can’t think of a single event I’ve been invited to in the last year that didn’t center on or at least involve alcohol.’ Kind of like every day’s issue of Axios Charlotte! Every single issue of your newsletter centers on or involves alcohol — including this story from Katie about how it’s OK *not* to have alcohol. So look… I love your publication. I really do. I read the newsletter every day. And I love good beer and liquor. But honestly, there’s more to life. And there’s so much more of Charlotte to focus on than the breweries, restaurants and bars. If you want Axios Charlotte to continue maturing and growing, my advice would be to take Katie’s advice — and tone down the coverage of breweries and bars. The brewery scene is hot in Charlotte right now, yes — and it’s fun to drink (and photograph for Instagram) craft cocktails. It’s a never-ending source of easy content. But you don’t need to include this in Axios Charlotte (or your Instagram feed) *every single day!* There is so much more of Charlotte to be focusing on. And like I said, if you want to keep maturing and growing your publication and your audience, you would be wise to expand your focus (and your diversity, but that’s another topic for another feedback comment). – B

“I could not relate more to the story ‘It is very OK if you don’t feel like drinking tonight’. I am always the girl that asks if Lenny Boy Kombucha is on tap at local breweries, sips on water with lemon, and continuously answers ‘hell no’ when my friends ask if I’m pregnant 7,000 times. It’s not that I don’t like the culture or the atmosphere, I enjoy being out with my friends. Its just that I don’t feel like consuming a days worth of calories in craft beer and the inevitable junk food I’ll inhale later, I don’t feel like spending $10 on a drink when I could have spent it on a magical elixir drink at Whole Foods that basically cures everything but cancer, and I don’t feel like having to get an Uber so I can ride home and think long and hard about why the hell I drank in the first place. It’s ok to be that girl, your friends get used to it, strangers don’t matter, and your body will thank you.” – A

In response to: Here’s why you have to buy a private club membership at VBGB and Thomas Street Tavern

“Recently read your article on private clubs in Charlotte and wanted to thank you. My name is Rick Carlson I own a “private club” in Pineville called Sammys since 2000 and I have seen the ebb and tide of this law it’s ridiculous and unprogressive, I was recently fined $2000. How does this benefit NC? This really sucks for tourists I have had many people just walk out because they don’t want to deal with giving out their name. Time for NC to get out of alcohol business period! Just my thoughts, thanks again.”

In response to: Why a man of faith supports the new protections for Charlotte’s LGBT community

“Thank you, Axios Charlotte, for posting that letter written by Ray. It is Christians like that who give me HOPE in a religion that I grew up in. As a LGBT member myself, it is sometimes the hardest pill to swallow when you hear and see those, who claim to be Christians, play down your rights as a person. It really is all about showing kindness back, like Ginger did, and practicing the “turning the other cheek” philosophy. This letter really was the best.” – A

In response to: Congrats on having a kid! Condolences on becoming a Charlotte parent.

“I just read the ‘Having a kid, becoming a parent’ article and laughed the entire time! It was refreshing to read an article that did not paint parenting as an absolute dream come true. My husband and I have a 7 month old daughter and life has been insane/amazing the past 7 months. The baby still wakes up EVERY 3 hours all night long. Not exactly #amazeballs. I have had puke in my face and poop on my hands more times in the past 7 months than any human should ever have to endure. No one is going to post that on Instagram, including me. Everytime I see a pregnant woman I secretly feel a little sorry for her because I just lived through the pain of pregnancy/child birth/post c-section-body-healing (and I had a an ‘easy’ pregnancy). Then I immediately feel a ping of guilt because I am not thinking to myself, “oh she is glowing and beautiful” even though she is and it’s all really an unbelievable experience! A few weeks ago I had a mother of two tell me, “there is something in women that makes them long to be pregnant”. My immediate reaction was laughter because I thought she was joking. Maybe I’m not far enough removed from actually being pregnant and going through the terrors of childbirth, to have “forgotten” it all as every mom tells me I will, but I agree 100% with Mr. Snow. We love our daughter like crazy and are so thankful to get to be her parents! However now when my husband and I hear someone announce they are pregnant, especially for the second or third time, we immediately almost in unison ask, ‘Are they crazy why would anyone want to do this again?'” -M