How to experience the childbirth-like joy of ordering a Publix sub online

I prefer the roast beef sub on the Italian 5 Grain bread. I’m a huge Italian 5 Grain guy.

Jump in your car and drive to the South End Publix to get that Boar’s Head baby in your belly.

Park out in front because you’ll be inside for very little time.

Walk through the produce section like you own the place.

Look, there it is! It’s like seeing your baby after she was just born through the window at the hospital nursery.

Just sitting there being all cute. She was made just for you.

Confirm that the baby is yours and see the prideful initials of your sub creator.

Look to your left at the pawns in line and wonder — do these people hate technology or am I just very smart? Hahaha!

Keeping in theme of “no human interaction” go pay at the vacant self-checkout.

Robots > humans.

Go to your special place, unwrap your baby and just admire its beauty.

Like a loser, I was full after eating half of my sub. I put it in the refrigerator…

Katie Levans yelled at me: “Rule number 1 of PubSubClub: Eat the whole sub.” #truth