All of Luke Kuechly’s CPI commercials, ranked
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Luke Kuechly teamed up with CPI back in August of 2014. We really need to talk about the commercials that have come out of that partnership.
According to CPI’s YouTube channel, he’s been in eight since 2014 and they just keep getting better.
Sure, his latest (featuring a garden gnome that I would absolutely put in my front yard) only got 17 thumbs ups on YouTube, but 17 is better than nothing.
Some might say the commercials are so bad they’re good, but I think the commercials are just under-appreciated.
They’re the highlight of my night when the Panthers are playing — and the only commercials that don’t make me want to change the channel. In fact, I asked for a Luke Kuechly garden gnome for my birthday.
Side note: I didn’t get it, but I got his jersey, and that’s the next best thing.
So, for everybody that’s in the same boat I am (obsessed with these commercials), I’ve rounded up all eight commercials and put them in the same place in order of worst to best for your viewing pleasure.
(8) Luke Kuechly’s Busy Day
If this is a busy day, can I have more busy days?
(7) What if Luke Kuechly were your caddy or best friend?
This one was hard, because on the one hand, cargo shorts. I feel like his reaction to those cargo shorts was: “I don’t know about that, but I do know defense.”
On the other, Luke Kuechly popping collars with his two best friends redeems that snafu.
But it doesn’t outweigh it.
(6) What if Luke Kuechly were your personal assistant?
If I were important enough to have a personal assistant and pluck said assistant from the NFL, it would definitely be Luke Kuechly, and the job description would absolutely involve eating popcorn and playing paddleball on my couch.
(5) What if Luke Kuechly were your neighbor?
I’d host a totally-casual-with-absolutely-no-ulterior-motives cookout every weekend. And I don’t even like hosting things.
(4) What if Luke Kuechly were on your team / your personal trainer?
If I had kids, I’d actually consider adding Minivan Sports Mom to my resume to see the look on my kid’s face when he squared up against Luke.
Also, if I made New Year’s Resolutions that had to do with fitness, I’d probably be a lot better about them.
(3) What if Luke Kuechly were your landscaper?
Obviously.
But also, not obviously. I love this one because it gives me total Desperate Housewives flashbacks.
(2) What if Luke Kuechly could eat your Brussels sprouts?
I was never allowed to feed the dog my Brussels sprouts or leave them on my plate, meaning I was stuck eating them. Needless to say, this commercial really speaks to me on a deep personal level.
(1) The Interception – The Luke Kuechly Gnome
Literally the only commercial on TV right now that I don’t want to change the channel during and the best thing Luke and CPI have ever done together. I cannot tell you how obsessed I am with this commercial.
Serious question: Where in Charlotte can I get the gnome?