How I know I’m getting older this Christmas

(1) My wife asked for a coloring book this Christmas. I said, “Our son can’t color yet, he’s just going to eat the pencils.” She responded, “No, it’s for me. I want an adult coloring book.” What the?! I guess these are a thing.

(2) Relief that I’m no longer obligated to go to the midnight church service. Now that I have a child, I get to go to the kids’ animal church service at 3:30 p.m. Pumped. Not only will the sermon be more on my level, this means I get to go to bed at 9 p.m.

(3) I bought my own present. And, I opened it 11 days before Christmas. Yes, I went with the big one.

(4) My son now gets my grandparent money. My grandparents used to give me a couple hundred bucks for Christmas. Now, it’s a check for my son’s 529 Plan. Ugh.

(5) Gingerbread houses amaze me. Previously, I thought these were silly novelties. Now I look at them and think – wow, that is spectacular.

(6) No to Amy Schumer. My buddy Bill is driving in from Atlanta with his wife to see Amy Schumer on Saturday. Instead of immediately saying yes, I thought to myself… Doesn’t she say gross stuff? How much will a babysitter cost the Saturday night before Christmas?

(7) I only got invited to one Christmas party. And, since it was a Facebook invite, I didn’t even realize it until it was too late to get a babysitter. I need paper invitations these days.

(8) Lights are great, but only if there’s no traffic. My wife:”Let’s drive down Hillside and see the lights.” Me: “Is there going to be traffic? I’m not sure I want to get stuck in a traffic type situation.”