My pre-midlife midlife crisis

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on.

When I turned 30 last Fall, I can be honest and admit that it wasn’t as easy as I had hoped it might be. I was all “oh, it’s fine, I’m excited! I totally love birthdays!” until the actual day came along, and then it hit me. 30 is very different than 29. It’s that whole 2 vs. 3 thing.

Anywho, my 30th came and went, and for the most part I recovered.

That was until this past January. January is full of dark days. And I don’t just mean because those of us who work only get about 30 minutes of daylight.

It’s cold, it’s damp, there’s little or no sunshine, and what seems like any other 31-day month suddenly becomes that moment when 30-somethings (and probably 20-somethings, and maybe even 40-somethings) begin to question LIFE.

I was there.

I am a teacher, and I love my job. I work with teenagers, and they make me laugh, they teach me a lot about life, and love, and being human. But on one particularly dark January day I began to wonder: Is this it? Is this all I’m ever going to do? Am I destined to spend the rest of my days doing exactly what I’m doing in this moment?

If you have had these thoughts, you’re not alone. If you haven’t had these thoughts, you’re lying.

So there I was, alone (my husband was out of town for a 2-night boys’ weekend), and I decided maybe it was time for a change. I hopped online, I searched the web, and I sought some kind of job that I thought might just be the answer to my questions. I found it, or so I thought, and on a whim, I applied.

No, I didn’t plan to quit my job. In fact, I’m just crazy enough that I figured, hey, why not get a part-time job in addition to your full-time job, get a feel for what life is like on the other side, and make a little money while you’re at it? Somehow this all seemed so great in my head.

Less than an hour later my application and resume were in, and finally I relaxed into delicious re-runs on TV.

Fast forward two and a half months, and here I am. My good friend, Ted, just asked me to write for this amazing new online media site he’s starting up, and I am doing it. At the same time, however, I am working a full-time job AND a part-time job. That’s right. I got the job. And now, instead of enjoying the perks of being a teacher and getting home pretty early during the week and enjoying weekends off, I’m home late twice a week and working every weekend.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. And though I love the interaction I have with people in my new job, and in so many ways love that I took a giant risk, I’m here to tell you: take a minute, take a deep breath, and take a look in the mirror, before you dive too far into that internet search the next time you feel like your life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and when you choose to straddle the fence as I am currently doing, you tend to get hurt.

Just remember, we’re 30, (or maybe you’re lucky enough to still be 20, or heck, even if you’re 40).  Though we won’t all make it to 100, we can enjoy what’s in front of us today – yellow pollen and all.

So, the next time you feel yourself reaching for that mouse, pondering the meaning of your life, call an old friend instead, or check out Axios Charlotte, see what’s happening in the Queen City, and do something FUN.

I’ll try to do the same the next time I have 4 minutes to myself, and I hope to see you out there.