Confessions of a know-it-all: How to fix your most persistent flaws

• I was bummed, but not surprised. I knew I had exhibited flaws — recurring ones I had yet to tackle. And I suspected these flaws would have come out in time anyway, so why pay an annual fee based on pleasantries and fakery, I guess.

🧠 Zoom in: I can be a know-it-all, and with doctors — of which I am not one — I am inappropriately so, in an off-putting way.

• That's not my opinion, or anyone's. I have established it as fact. It's come up with my doctors and my husband Jeff's doctors, and, together, we have enough to field a Noah Wyle show.
• To make matters worse, I quickly move on from physicians when they inevitably ignore or otherwise disappoint me.

The result: My body count of ex-doctors is longer than most people's list of ex-lovers and ex-hairstylists combined.

• I've gone back and forth between rheumatologists so much you'd think they were Axios and Politico.

🏥 So the concierge doctor, noting my breakups with the best specialists in town, asked, "Who's to say you would stick with me?"

• He was right. And I had unconsciously put up hoops for him to jump through. Exit stage bereft.

Zoom out: I often tell journalists to identify their strengths, and then play to them. Here's a hack for how to do that.

• But it's just as important to recognize your problem areas, and manage those too. Here's how to start:

1. Look for patterns: A few months ago my beloved brother-in-law, a cardiologist, and my husband, a then-patient, told me I sounded like a know-it-all with some ER docs. I saw red. WTF, I cried, I'd been correct!

• I defended my advocacy with the indignation of Florence Nightingale and stormed out, winning the rhetorical joust, not ingesting a word.
• A few days later, it hit me: Didn't people in college 35 years ago actually call me "DaKnow-it-all" as a play on my name? And aren't I currently in-between doctors, yet again, with nobody to treat my weird diseases, because of this same issue?

Good reporters look for three-of-a-kind to identify trends. Then they investigate.

• If you receive the same negative feedback more than once, that's enough of a red flag to warrant investigation.
• Don't tune it out or defend yourself. Instead, consider: Is there evidence of what this person is telling me? Have I heard this critique before? How many times?

2. 📝 Be aware: I wrote it down. "If I don't try harder to be less annoying with medical professionals, I'm doomed."

• Sure, I have a good track record, diagnostically speaking. But what's the point, if I'm such an impatient patient that nobody wants to treat me?

Plus, me changing my tune is way more realistic than doctors everywhere changing how they respond. Would I rather be right or get better?

• I'll never stop fighting for what I believe. I just need to do it in a way that gets the results I want. Does that require humility and sucking up my pride? 110%. Wish me luck.

3. 🔬 Dig deep: Reflect on when your patterns took root.

Who was my OG Disappointing Doctor, you wonder?

• Well, my first doctor, my only one for 17 years, was the best one in town, and he never let me down, not even once, as a doctor. Ask me how he was as a dad, however, and my answer becomes more complicated.

🖼️ The big picture: We create patterns for a reason. But when we work hard to spot them, face them and determine their origins, we start to:

1. Give ourselves grace for our mistakes, and for being fallible (read: human) when we repeat them.
2. Start on the path to kicking our worst habits, once and for all.

The bottom line: I'll continue to search for doctors with the patience of Job, and a desire to get fast-tracked for sainthood.

• But in the meantime, I'll forgive myself, just as I do whenever I review the list of all the personal flaws I've identified — which ain't short.

😉 Speaking of flawed humans, please stay tuned for my next column, and pray it doesn't get me fired: "Part II: What I learned about life from Jim VandeHei's flaws."