The task you shouldn't put off
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Illustration: Sarah Grillo/Axios
Seven years ago, after my husband of 28 years died suddenly, I was sitting at my kitchen table with my not-quite-adult kids and my rabbi. I kept repeating, "What do I do now?" Rabbi Andy didn't know what I was asking — "You mean spiritually?"
- No. I meant what do I actually do? How do I take care of this family?
Backstory: I'm an editor. I deal with words. I hate math, and finance intimidates me. So I happily handed all that to my husband. He knew all our accounts, our passwords, our people, our institutions. I didn't — I knew him, and that was enough. Until it wasn't.
Why it matters: There's so little we can control when death impacts our lives. Knowing where your money is, and how to access it, shouldn't be one of those things.
By the numbers: It turns out, I wasn't alone.
- Only 3 in 10 people in relationships thought their partner could easily get into their online accounts if they died, and half said they had online financial accounts their partner didn't know about, according to a 2024 survey of 1,000 U.S. adults by All About Cookies, a consumer privacy and cybersecurity education site.
- And according to a 2021 UBS survey of 1,500 men and women in marriages or partnerships, only 20% of couples said they made financial decisions together.
What I learned: I didn't need to love numbers to handle my finances. I just needed to know where things were, who to call, and how to get into my own digital life.
- And I should never have let fear push me to hand over 100% control of anything.
The bottom line: Grief is brutal, but being unprepared makes it harder. Don't wait. Sit down, have the talk, learn the passwords and the accounts, and participate in decisions. Be hopeful for the future — but be ready for anything.
