Jim VandeHei: Be curious, not judgmental

It's natural to react emotionally or defensively when people do or say things you think are wrong — or flat-out bonkers.

• But try the opposite approach for a week: Be genuinely curious why they do or say those things. Worst case: You'll burn less and learn more.

I'm naturally drawn to contrarian thoughts, strange views, or idiosyncratic people or situations. But only when I drop the judgment do I truly allow myself to see things more panoramically.

• Here are four possible arenas for your test drive:

1. Politics: Stop assuming the "other side" is corrupt, inept or dumb.

• Take an idea you find most offensive and try to understand it clinically, like a scientist in a lab. Study it. Dig into columns, speeches or podcasts.
• Anyone who adopted this mindset in 2015 might have seen Donald Trump's rise coming, and later his resurrection. The same will be true of the next Trump-like figure.

2. Social media: Never in history have humans wasted more time getting more worked up over more topics than when doom-scrolling. Instead of taking the bait, take a break.

• Focus on one person in your feed who agitates you most. Google them to see if you can learn more about where they came from and what motivates them. See if they'll explain their roots and worldview.
• I've found most people, regardless of their public or social profile, quite eager to explain themselves if you approach them like they're human, not demonic.
• We talk at Axios about "assuming positive intent" when boneheaded or befuddling things happen. Maybe the other person will readily admit a mistake. Try this with strangers.

3. Workplace: One of the smartest things we did when founding Axios was to be extremely transparent about the business and our beliefs. This demystified things internally — dramatically reducing the gossiping and wonderment about what we really think.

• We encouraged people to be curious. You should be, too.

• At work, take one topic or one leader you find baffling, and dive deeper. Try to understand things through the company lens, or that person's eyes.
• You'll get a better understanding of the joint where you spend much of your life.

4. Family & friends: Almost every time my wife, Autumn, is pissed at me, it's because I didn't take the time to ask one simple thing: Why do you feel that way?

• Then listen, with genuine curiosity. It's so much easier to judge her or declare my own righteousness. But it never resolves anything — and it never opens my mind to a better understanding of her. 
• Take a relative or friend who's grating on you, and ask them to truly walk you through their thinking — stipulating that you're genuinely curious, and won't offer judgment or solutions. Then actually listen.

Reality check: It might turn out your judgment was right! But you'll learn more about their motives and meaning, and can make a more clinical appraisal.

Fun bedtime watch: This is the greatest scene of the greatest season of the greatest show, "Ted Lasso." 3-min. YouTube.

• Let Jim know what you think: [email protected].