Pittsburgh death cafes are drawing crowds
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Strangers in Pittsburgh are coming together over cake and tea to chat about death.
Why it matters: As anxiety about longevity and end-of-life care grows, death cafes are normalizing conversations about death and creating spaces for shared learning, organizers say.
How it works: A death cafe is not a grief group or a counseling session.
- It's typically a free, small gathering in a "safe, welcoming" space where people speak candidly about death in whatever way feels meaningful to them, says Helen Stickney, a death doula and member of Pittsburgh Community Deathcare who currently facilitates death cafes at Millvale Community Library.
- Conversations span mortality, burial, fears, cultural traditions, and the importance of advance directives, says Stickney.
Catch up quick: Launched in 2011 in East London, death cafes were built around tea and cake by design — simple comforts to make space for hard conversations.
- The idea spread fast. Today, groups meet around the world, with more than 11,000 listed in the U.S. alone.
The big picture: Those pushing to make death talk less taboo say silence makes it easy to skip emotional, financial, and practical preparation.
Case in point: Research shows only about a third of U.S. adults have completed advance directives, or legal documents such as living wills or powers of attorney.
Zoom in: Stickney has been coordinating death cafes since before the pandemic. Once fairly popular, the format waned during COVID shutdowns and is now beginning to draw interest again across the region, she says.
- While the concept may feel heavy for some, Stickney says the friendly tone often surprises newcomers.
What they're saying: "Part of it is just the act of speaking it," says Stickney. "The act of being in a room where people are actually interested in hearing about your grandfather's funeral. What I see is people showing up a little bit uncertain, and often grieving, and by the end …" they're more open to the discussions.
What's next: Follow Millvale Community Library for the announcements on the next death cafe — which fill up fast, organizers say, and often have a waitlist due to high demand.
- Another is planned at Waverly Presbyterian Church in Regent Square on Feb. 23.
For updates on death cafes in Western Pennsylvania, join the Pittsburgh Death Cafes Facebook group.