Why Cincinnati is less hellacious than Columbus

🏔️ We have hills. Love them or hate them, Cincinnati has actual topography.

• You can stumble onto skyline views from neighborhood parks, winding overlooks and porches that make you stop for a second. Columbus is... flatter.

🌉 We have a river. Not a creek. Not a retention pond. A genuine, city-defining river lined with parks, bridges and enough sunsets to fill your Instagram feed.

🍝 We lean into our weird. Chili over spaghetti, goetta for breakfast, small batch ice cream worth shipping across the country.

• Cincinnati has never worried about explaining itself, and that's part of its charm.

🏛️ Character comes standard. Over-the-Rhine, Mount Adams, Northside, Westwood, Hyde Park — every neighborhood has its own personality and our Italianate architecture is literally second to none.

To be fair: Columbus has plenty going for it. It's booming, it's growing and Crew fans are going to remind me of that in my inbox.

😉 The bottom line: The sign on I-71 may say "Hell is Real," but once you head south, things start looking a lot more angelic.

• Oh, and FC Cincinnati is going to win the match, too.